Okay I felt that I was hearing some old man from an anime show saying something about a dragon.
The verse seem very rigid. I see potential in this as a short story or a poem maybe if the fluidity of the verses was changed.
He finally came back!
But not in one piece,
For he was dropped
From a 20 foot leap
This stanza is hilarious I don't know if it was intentional or not but i found it funny.
SO my opinion is that the fluidity be changed and don't shout at me what happened, show me what happened. I get that a lot when i write too. Don't tell me, show me.
"God almighty, help us,
The land burns in a sea of flames,
The fearsome dragon bears its fangs,
With scorching flames and eyes filled with rage he comes,"
Something like that. Hope i helped.