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Writing exercise #1

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Old 11-14-2017, 09:32 PM
saika_chan (Offline)
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Default Writing exercise #1


You keep silent. Not daring to move. Or breathe. Or move the one millimeter it would take to adjust away from the source of the pinching feeling in your side.
The man sneaks up behind her, syringe in hand. You notice with an odd sense of clarity - not the fact that his footsteps make no sound, not that the girl is the same age, build and ethnicity as you - but the absurd and out of place tattoo on the back of his free hand. "All life is sacred."
She spots him in the mirror and screams. Three seconds maximum before the syringe is plunged into her jugular.
You flinch as her body goes limp and to the ground with a sickening thud. You fail to supress the trembling that's beginning to overtake your body as a wave of true helplessness and despair weigh like a stone in your gut.
You should be helping her. But if you do, he'll kill you.
You watch in horror as he caresses her face and begins to undress her.
Think.

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Old 11-19-2017, 12:38 PM
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fleamailman (Online)
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("...neither nor, either or..." went the goblin hoping it would help since "nor" would work better than "or" would, then adding "..."think" in the last line takes the reader out from being in the observers shoes in the text to being the audience's shoes instead, "you think hard about it" might be better though as there is no switch of viewpoint, once you tense all you tense then, yet that's your choice as it were, I'm only relating thing my end so to speak...")

Last edited by fleamailman; 11-19-2017 at 12:41 PM..
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