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The Ferns Of Ivy

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Old 09-15-2017, 05:00 PM
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Default The Ferns Of Ivy


The ferns of ivy, or Burmese seas
The lattice, from syphoned leaves—
Tinny laughs, set in millstone
From a far-out errand, deemed gold.

I hardly ponder, for forty years
No hand has beheld these of old;
Some blanketed, Patina each involved
Manifold surfaces of hardened sorts;

Before, in this Rack, all lichen—
Every inch was useful, lit and snug
Ne’er had all the rooms discovered,
Now bereft of hearth and lamps;—

Sunshine, mayhap in the Spring, comes
All cupboards emptied in disarray—
Casts of storms, of many wintertides
Breaks the wary structure aways—

But even the outside is cleaving,—
The lingering, chimney o’er the weight,
Hardened through times, one little buttercup
Thru the damp moss, can enforce its way;

Unscathed, the jackdaws nestle;—
From the fringes, whence the turrets!
But the winds alone enter to crackle,—
This burgeoning rug and bottoms arise

Stirred up, I sometimes wonder—
When it’s the Path, or a reluctant one;
Someone soaring upwards to the Gates,
Hopefully, other ghosts will pass me by;

This wasn’t my town, nor my house—
Hours of tomfoolery before I stepped,
And now, to swim and revisit the Course,
The Stroke and Canvass narrow me down

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Old 09-16-2017, 02:54 AM
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You have some stunning lines in this Chat and it evokes strong images.

It sounds beautiful read aloud.

I think you have a natural ear for words - not always backed up by selection for their meaning.

An outstanding line for me is "the Stroke and Canvass narrow me down". If this is meant as a painting metaphor, and finding yourself through art - it's exquisite. Yet, the spelling of 'canvass' is not right for that medium, so I'm unsure if that's what you were trying to express?

Other favourite lines were:

The lattice, from syphoned leaves

No hand has beheld these of old
Some blanketed, Patina each involved

You have capitalised words and punctuated in a way I don't understand. Some of it doesn't make sense...a few random dives into old English...if all these things came together, you would be a serious force to be reckoned with.

You can naturally hear the music in words - quite a gift. However...you must select vocabulary primarily for its meaning and music second.

Enjoyed this very much Chat. The promise of what you can accomplish lies in this piece. x
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Old 09-16-2017, 10:17 AM
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thanks for reading grace! and thanks for the thanks button. i never get enough of those. there's too much old english in classic lit, and thus: you misspell the caps lock and it works. it is a painting reference, not a metaphor, but i'm glad you got it!!! the whole point was a deserted castle that made me want a castle in the air, like a reverie. did you get any of that? like an ethereal effect? i did heavy on the vocab just for you, tho! last time, i made it simple and you said i should work on my vocab... i like big words, and most often, it writes lit. i'm going for it all the way in my book. imho, this post is like my book.. mostly old tongue all the way for tone. neat trick for sounding condescending.

but i thought of you while writing this piece, and maybe classic lit needs to come back, no? people struggle through it in school and they learn to hate it. i've always loved the aspect of cleverly obscure words within something simple and floaty.

you've been doing well lately? how's bagheera? <3
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Old 09-16-2017, 03:16 PM
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You've misunderstood a previous comment from me somewhere along the line - I would never encourage someone to use "big" words - the important part is using exactly the right word to convey what you mean. If you use long or obscure words that are very obviously out of context, your work will be dismissed within a few lines.

I sense from your response that you are trying to 'dress yourself up' in a particular style of language and vocabulary that you believe will make your work more impressive....I promise you with my whole heart that it won't.

Instead of imitating classical writers, be yourself on the page. People will buy YOU and be interested in what is unique about YOU. If they want Shakespeare or Shelley, they'll stick to the classics instead of reading an imitation.

I think it would be great writing practice for you to pen some songs - you have a natural gift for lyrical beauty and it will make you focus on conveying a narrative clearly and concisely.

Back to your poem - the mood and decay of your castle was described brilliantly, but I thought that it was a metaphor for yourself and I discovered all sorts of wonderful yet unintentional depths.

Be yourself Chat. Let the world love you for who you are x
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Old 09-16-2017, 04:30 PM
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thanks for reading!
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