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Nine and Sixty Ways Poetry Tools and Lessons Poetry Tools and Lessons on the Beat. Your first stop for learning and help with poetic technique.


I see you

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  #1  
Old 09-27-2014, 05:58 AM
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Default I see you


I see you trying over there

reaching out

using new words

rolling them over and over your tongue

I see you struggling to know

what it is

how it works

why you care

I see you looking up at me

bright eyes

you believe in me

makes me grow

scares the shit out of me

I see you

you're not just a face in the crowd

not to me

I know who you really are

deep inside

who you want to be

big and strong

it takes courage

to be who you were made to be

someday soon

too soon for me

bright eyes looking up at me

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Old 09-28-2014, 11:08 AM
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just wanted you to know I noticed, it's hard when they start to leave the nest.

very well put.


Max
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if you're writing over your readers head - tum etiam, ut graece scribens --- the secret of success changes;the truth of failure remains constant; if you try to please everyone you will fail.
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Old 09-28-2014, 12:08 PM
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It really is just heart wrenching at times. Thanks Max.
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Old 09-30-2014, 10:30 PM
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That was nice. Quite nice, in fact. It's simple, but very subtle and touching. There is deep love and feeling in these words. I actually am very appreciative of this piece. Well done.

Keep at it, and...
Write Hard,
Jimmy Out.

Last edited by Slick-Jimmy; 10-01-2014 at 03:28 AM..
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Old 10-02-2014, 12:46 AM
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Thank you, Jimmy. That means a lot to me.
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:45 AM
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Very relatable poem. I like how you chose to break up the lines, reading to me like the cycle of thoughts in my head when I have bright eyes looking up at me too. It's a sweet and touching poem.
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Old 12-01-2014, 04:54 AM
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Thank you juicyfruit. I tear up every time I read it again. They are little for such a short time.
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