WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


iGrasshopper

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-04-2013, 03:43 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,202
Thanks: 0
Thanks 427
Default iGrasshopper


iGrasshopper

STRENGTH OF MIND AND BODY
in the grave of
your bed
we chat like strangers uncomfortable
with our own skin
soon the comedown will begin
in a sense it’s already at
a low ebb with
the thumping embarrassment that
i can’t remember your name
oh my days
i’m such a slut but boy i really like you
i like you a lot

PURE DIRECTION OF ENERGY
you say you’ve shit loads to do
so we take a shower with bass vibrations still
washing over me
wrapped in
his frame i feel naive and fragile
gentle as a dewdrop he dries me
dressed bubble fresh for breakfast tea
in the sparkling midnight
of our eyes
you ask for my phone and swap numbers
so that’s yer name i knew that
we make a date
RE:SULT

HARMONY WITH THE UNIVERSE
you phone to say hi babe
i talk to you using eternal sunshine
as a sub text secret language
my toes curl into a whisper
our words
moons
in their orbits around our
sentences
we are the tides and stars of our universe
our duvet sky the perfect blue

HEALING SELF AND OTHERS
my bones cry without you
if this was a tragic novel my heart would
be a ghost that scratches at
the pages collecting
pain
but we’ll read on together
as you scurry mouse kisses down my neck
hickory dickory chart maps of every
inch of my naked flesh
there may yet be a happy ever after

PREMONITION OF DANGER
every girl has those dreams walking
through lace mists
into the bower of the english
country church of summer’s nectar
proclamation songs of brass
cow parsley growing through the grass
the whole horse and carriage thing
yet we too can be zeppelins in
twisted flames my pillow an iceberg
hunting for a titanic mascara skid marks
in the dark depths of pont de l’alma
i was the queen of my heart
now a forensic stop-
motion rotting apple on a bone china plate
snow white a chalk outline
we should be cautious in the drifts
not to get caught out in a blizzard of
thousands of sweet nothings
we must talk about this

KNOWING THE THOUGHTS OF OTHERS
i start to finish your
sentences
you start to finish
mine
by now all our protracted silences should luxuriate
on a chaise obsessing over the kind
of silver dagger lovers dream of
lovers dreaming with suicidal knowledge
of eternal love
as mirror ball slice reflections
cut sonnets into letters
never sent
but we’ve too much passion
for those events
we danced to the tempo of our longing
and the patterns our fingertips
shaped out our nirvana moments

MASTERY OF TIME AND SPACE
because my love
i can not stop wanting you
i’ve amassed our lost kisses in the shadows
safe against the wind and rain to be
released someday some evening some long
hour that we may be apart
even though
i’d stopped all the clocks
and held you locked inside my climaxing utterance
of your name
like a chant
like a mantra
held you when the moon cried
for the age of listening is at an end

CONTROLLING THE ELEMENTS OF NATURE
and we are at the beginning
ninjas in the dimensions of
romance
poised to submit
yet
let us not talk of love
but become it

ENLIGHTENMENT
i zen u
u zen i





__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 17 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)

Last edited by iDrew; 11-04-2013 at 05:51 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to iDrew For This Useful Post:
KBR (11-05-2013), LanceRocks (11-04-2013)
  #2  
Old 11-05-2013, 12:15 AM
NokturnalMe's Avatar
NokturnalMe (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dancing with the moon
Posts: 4,353
Thanks: 781
Thanks 594
Default

The last stanza should be a tagline for a yoga class.
Enjoyed it.
__________________
↭ You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star ↭
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-05-2013, 06:07 AM
KBR (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Monterey CA
Posts: 1,871
Thanks: 1,042
Thanks 635
Default

Wonderful! Delicate but strongly voiced iDrew. This is packed with shadings and beautiful color. A real oil on canvas with high relief and attention to light and shadow. Here's what I mean.

wrapped in
his frame i feel naive and fragile
gentle as a dewdrop he dries me
dressed bubble fresh for breakfast tea
in the sparkling midnight
of our eyes

Great work!
Kirk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-06-2013, 04:03 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,202
Thanks: 0
Thanks 427
Default

NM I shall think of that as I Salute the Sun. Sun? England?

Thank you Kirk, greatly.


xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 17 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to iDrew For This Useful Post:
NokturnalMe (11-07-2013)
  #5  
Old 11-07-2013, 04:20 AM
JoeMatt (Offline)
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 6,412
Thanks: 441
Thanks 1,526
Default

This is really great. A pleasure to read -- and some really powerful images. Love the "yet we too can be zeppelins in twisted flames" line. Seems to be about the evolution of a relationship -- although it seems ironic at the end. Love the 9 poems for the price of one structure too. Thanks for the read.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-08-2013, 03:06 AM
JustcallmeEd (Offline)
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Humboldt Co., California
Posts: 4,797
Thanks: 370
Thanks 697
Default

I like how each poem could stand strongly on its own while fitting so perfectly into the whole.

Nice job.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-08-2013, 02:07 PM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default

The two or three times I've read this I've enjoyed it very much - there is just too much to grasp for any cogent critique from this brain.

Except this: the final stanza annoys me because it's so damn cute and cloying. I am zen, you are zen, we are all zen together! I already know this and to be blunt it reads like something from my college years in the early 1970's.

Good piece! It holds together very well, IMHO.

: = )
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-10-2013, 03:47 PM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,202
Thanks: 0
Thanks 427
Default

Well I’m ashamed at you all. There was me thinking there will bound to be Kung Fu nerdy geeks hanging around, suspending themselves from ceilings or something. But no! Everyone must be busy nibbling cheese. Now, apparently these are the nine steps a ninja has to accomplish to obtain power. Who would have thought it! I started trying to read up on this, reading about ninjas; got bored. I got this little gem of inspiration from an UNKLE track. Last track on Do Androids Dream of Electric Beats - shin mix, he uses a film audio sample which outlines the nine steps as I have here. I’m sure I’ve even seen the film the sample comes from, but can’t remember.

I think this may need a little explanative verse at the beginning.

Wasn’t intentional for the poems to be able to stand alone. A fortunate coincidence.

Thank you Joe and Ed. Lance, I know what you mean about the ending, but I quite liked the yin-yang effect at the end. One for time to tell, me thinks.



xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 17 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)

Last edited by iDrew; 11-10-2013 at 03:51 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-10-2013, 06:32 PM
JustcallmeEd (Offline)
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Humboldt Co., California
Posts: 4,797
Thanks: 370
Thanks 697
Default

Ah, but we ninjas don't talk about it...
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:11 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.