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Turkish Delight

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  #1  
Old 11-02-2013, 11:42 AM
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Default Turkish Delight


My Turkish prince
Eastern incense
you smell divine
under the sheets
with your blackened hair
sharpened slit eyes
hairy jaw
and olive skin
sing your Sufi poetry
and make this chest
swell for you
no man’s lips
can flow like
a Zenne dancer
across my chest
or spin my world
like whirling Dervishes
one hand facing up
the other down
to where warm seas
meet as one
at your pub
along sunny Antalya.

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Old 11-03-2013, 06:03 AM
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I like this for the specifics: Turkish, Eastern incense, blackened hair, slit eyes, hairy jaw, olive skin, Sufi and beyond. I've read your poems with interest for some time and have two wishes about it which I know will go unfulfilled:

1. I'd love to see you free up your line so it's not always two or three words and nothing more.
2. I'd love to see you write about something that has nothing to do with romance.

Lance
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Old 11-03-2013, 06:25 AM
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Loved it Nokturnal!! Wanted to pick out some parts for special display but was completely torn. This is worth reading many times!
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Old 11-03-2013, 08:02 AM
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Lance, is this a challenge?
Be careful what you wish for...I'll take your wish into consideration and thank you for always keeping up with my "romance".

KBR, I'm glad you enjoyed it, read it as many times as you please.

Thanks again, much appreciated.
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Old 11-03-2013, 01:45 PM
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I too really enjoyed this, even though with the penultimate line; ‘at your pub’ I was expecting the last line to read something like; “in Bethnal Green’.

Lance makes a good point though. With your format set out the same for every poem, there’s no challenge for you, the writer, or for your regular readers as they will know what to expect before they’ve even opened the post. Imagine you had a chapbook out with all your poetry, every page will look exactly the same. The visual presence of a poem is an important part. Often, as the words of something form in my head, I can visualise how I will like it to look like on the page.


xDrew
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:20 AM
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There is a pub along the side of Antalya that I know of.
Hence reference to it.

I have tried many formats before on this site.
Been here for ages so I think my works are somewhat archived.
I feel comfortable when expressing a point in this format.
It's how I think, rushed, all in one big breath as you can say.
I've come to a point where I find it uncomfortable to spare stanzas, invite punctuation and other formalities into my writings.

Perhaps this "phase" will run dry, and another structure will head my way.
Who knows.
Thanks.
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