WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Working Without A Net

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 09-25-2013, 10:43 PM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default Working Without A Net


The world is asleep: I type.
There are no subscribed threads: I type.
My Netflix queue is full, so I type.
Lori goes to bed: I type.

I type for the girls and for the boys, and for their parents, too: I type.
I type instead of washing the dishes. I type without cleaning my room.
I don't unpack from vacation, but I type.
I type without knowing where I'm going.
I type with no plans for the future: I type.
I type because I must, because I am, because I do.
I type when I'm frightened, I type when I'm free:
I type repeatedly.

When someone knocks at the door, I'm typing.
I'm typing while world leaders fume. People
are killed in many different ways while I type. New
discoveries are made: still I type. I type in the sunshine,
I type in the dark; sometimes I type in the park.

Why do I do it, this typing? What can I hope
to achieve? My typing brings nothing but pain
and release and money and women.
That's why I type: for everything.


Last edited by LanceRocks; 11-17-2013 at 09:31 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LanceRocks For This Useful Post:
KBR (11-09-2013)
  #2  
Old 09-26-2013, 04:57 AM
Lmc71775's Avatar
Lmc71775 (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 676
Thanks: 185
Thanks 121
Default

I type for the girls and the boys, and for their parents, too: I type.
I type instead of washing the dishes. I type without cleaning my room.
I don't unpack from vacation, but I type.
I type without knowing where I'm going.
I type with no plans for the future: I type.
I type because I must, because I am, because I do.
I type when I'm frightened, I type when I'm free:
I type repeatedly

I'm feeling like this should read:

For the girls and the boys, and for their parents, I type.
Instead of washing the dishes and without cleaning my room, I type.
Without unpacking from vacation, I type.
Without knowing where I'm going, I type.
With no plans for the future, I type.
Because I must, because I am, because I do.
And when I'm frightened, or free,
I type repeatedly

I think the ending could be stronger too in some way.
All and all, a solid poem.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lmc71775 For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (11-12-2013)
  #3  
Old 09-26-2013, 06:41 AM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default

Originally Posted by Lmc71775 View Post
All and all, a solid poem.
Lmc, thank you.

I agree with you about the ending. I had no idea what to say at that point: typing is what I've always done and it looks like I'm going to continue.

(How about a reference to typing as addiction? I've given up drugs, overeating and promiscuous sex, but typing remains.)

I understand your point about the repetitious "I type" stanza. There's an unspoken rule in writing that says you don't draw attention to "I"....

I used to do this on typewriter paper at night: those pieces went into a drawer and were largely left unseen. I sat on the floor, pecking at my portable, wondering what the heck I was doing. (I was finding my way in the dark.)

Now I'm lying on my back on a couch, tapping an Android tablet directly to the web. This was done live with no filter, no correction, and no stopping. A first for me: privacy made public.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-26-2013, 07:10 AM
Lmc71775's Avatar
Lmc71775 (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 676
Thanks: 185
Thanks 121
Default

"I've given up drugs, overeating and promiscuous sex, but typing remains"

I think even this here would be a better ending, especially the last line reading "but typing remains" or something like that.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lmc71775 For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (09-26-2013)
  #5  
Old 11-12-2013, 09:17 AM
JustcallmeEd (Offline)
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Humboldt Co., California
Posts: 4,797
Thanks: 370
Thanks 697
Default

I think the last stanza couldn't be better.

"Why do I do this?
I get nothing -
Except for
Everything in life."

"I type in the dark; I type in the park," seems a little Dr. Seuss-ish, but otherwise, great poem.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-12-2013, 09:24 AM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default

Originally Posted by JustcallmeEd View Post

"I type in the dark; I type in the park," seems a little Dr. Seuss-ish, but otherwise, great poem.
Thank you Ed! This was free writing directly to the Board and I saw that particular line when I finished. Decided to leave it in as a tribute!

: =. )
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-12-2013, 09:57 AM
Franklin's Avatar
Franklin (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Valley of the Daughter of the Stars
Posts: 1,164
Thanks: 797
Thanks 314
Default

Typing is something of a nostalgic skill for me. I learned "touch typing" on a Royal, even hitting 80 wpm the second year. I remember a sensuous pleasure when I could hit my stride of rhythm, striking each key with the same amount of force. Typing in Word has replaced my old fountain pen for writing, a necessity for arthritic hands. My suggestive thoughts: Perhaps eliminate all or most of the stanza of "I." Typing and poetry can be addictive.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Franklin For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (11-12-2013)
  #8  
Old 11-12-2013, 10:25 AM
escorial's Avatar
escorial (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 421
Thanks: 34
Thanks 85
Default

has a speed to it that gives a feeling of determination...interesting interpretation of a mundane act..liked..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to escorial For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (11-12-2013)
  #9  
Old 11-12-2013, 01:53 PM
Delmar Cooper (Offline)
Eloquent Troll
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Trussville,Alabama
Posts: 330
Thanks: 124
Thanks 139
Default

I think I got most of it, but explain to me the part about typing for money and women.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Delmar Cooper For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (11-12-2013)
  #10  
Old 11-12-2013, 02:49 PM
NokturnalMe's Avatar
NokturnalMe (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dancing with the moon
Posts: 4,354
Thanks: 781
Thanks 594
Default

Lance, it seems to me that you've got OCD

Is it just me or is this one stunning piece of work?
I imagine it being read in such intensity with build up, fast breathing...
Good visuals here.
But I feel bad for Lori, must have had enough of all the typing noise.

Did it again.
__________________
↭ You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star ↭
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to NokturnalMe For This Useful Post:
LanceRocks (11-12-2013)
  #11  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:26 PM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default

Originally Posted by NokturnalMe View Post
But I feel bad for Lori, must have had enough of all the typing noise.
I was writing ad copy when we met in 1980, following my years as a playwright. During her contractions with Scout (our only child) I brought my Hermes portable into her hospital room to finish an assignment due the next day!

My PC is on a desk in the corner of our family room: tap tap tap tap tap! A few years back I spent twelve months writing a short book at that keyboard: it nearly drove her crazy.

The tablet has been a boon for Lori because it's silent. She sits on her own couch next to mine, doing crochet while I type with the TV on. Tonight it's DWTS off the TiVo while we both do our respective fiddlings.

Lori is my biggest supporter: she loves when I perform and is nudging me back in that direction. The poetry I'm writing now for WB will form the basis for a return to public readings.

BIG LONG RED HAIRS
That's what I live with now.
It seems she's content to
stare into my face, sleaze
in the junk of my existence.
And I am content to [lost
lines go here]
...her big
long red hairs. I am a poet
and philosopher in my own
mind. And in hers.

(Circa 1980)
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LanceRocks For This Useful Post:
NokturnalMe (11-12-2013)
  #12  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:59 PM
JustcallmeEd (Offline)
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Humboldt Co., California
Posts: 4,797
Thanks: 370
Thanks 697
Default

Originally Posted by LanceRocks View Post

BIG LONG RED HAIRS
That's what I live with now.
It seems she's content to
stare into my face, sleaze
in the junk of my existence.
And I am content to [lost
lines go here]
...her big
long red hairs. I am a poet
and philosopher in my own
mind. And in hers.

(Circa 1980)
Ah, those lost lines... I memorize the poems that I write. Most of them have stuck in my head, even after nearly forty years, but others... oh, well.

The two best poems I ever wrote were in a backpack that was stolen before I had a chance to memorize them. All I can recall are snippets. I try to make copies of everything now.

...this lottery called life, in which
some folks are picked to succeed
and others are doomed, through no fault of their own
to work hard and be always in need.

Is this all it is? A big roulette game?
Pick a number and watch how she spins.
See your life pass before you, in the wheel
as she's rolling; now it slows, stops. See?
Someone else wins.

That's about all I remember of, "Down And Out In Oceanside (or, The Hill Street Blues)"

Last edited by JustcallmeEd; 11-12-2013 at 06:07 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-12-2013, 07:26 PM
LanceRocks's Avatar
LanceRocks (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 934
Thanks: 851
Thanks 357
Default

Originally Posted by JustcallmeEd View Post
Someone else wins.
Ed, thank you. Good poetry! (So true.)

When I was an actor I'd set my heart on a role, work hard to prepare an audition, and fail to get the part.

By contrast I could spot a notice saying "Last Day of Auditions!" for a show I hadn't heard of, walk in the door with no preparation, and score a juicy role in the production.

It kinda worked out in my life the same way. The professional writing career I imagined for myself never panned out very well. When Scout came along I said, "Lance, it's time to drop the dreams and make some real money." So that's what I did...and it worked.

When I was hired by a big Wall Street brokerage in '86 the idea of me advising anyone on finance was a joke! I could write and perform very well. But money and investments? I knew nothing about them and didn't have two nickels to my name. I was 38 years old with nothing to show for it: nada, zip, zilch.

As it turned out my Firm could care less about finance: they wanted someone who could sell. With my advertising background and skill as an actor I was perfect for the job, my greatest role. Someone wrote a Penguin book about my broker trainee class in New York: he called me "most likely to succeed." Which I did.

Moral: Be flexible, not rigid, because you never know.

Great to hear from you!

: = )

Last edited by LanceRocks; 11-12-2013 at 07:35 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to LanceRocks For This Useful Post:
JustcallmeEd (11-12-2013)
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
See (Working Title) (YA/Romance/Paranormal Twist) Juganhut Fiction 6 09-17-2013 11:00 AM
Working at the ranch. WilliamS. Fiction 6 06-28-2012 09:55 PM
Working on a holiday. (when one gets very bored ;)) calligraphy Free Writing 6 11-27-2009 01:44 PM
Maelie (working title) wildbluefaerie Fiction 13 08-18-2009 10:33 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:29 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.