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| Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section. |
Death and Dismemberment I
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#1
06-29-2006, 03:42 PM
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Death and Dismemberment I
d
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers. Riverstones let the water flow around them. Last edited by riverstone; 04-08-2007 at 06:05 PM.. 
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#2
06-29-2006, 03:44 PM
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Is there a DaDII? Am I missing one? Nevertheless, I like this one. Not as much as the third, because that one really made me go wow, but this one was good. The "I pinch of the dying blossoms" got a little repeatitive for me, more then my liking, but it was fashionable and good. Good work.
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#3
06-29-2006, 03:49 PM
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That's what mums are like - dozens of blossoms one is supposed to pinch off until they are all gone - so new ones will come out. I know a couple of people who actually succeed at this - I can't!
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers. Riverstones let the water flow around them.
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#4
06-29-2006, 03:52 PM
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Sounds like a peom about autumn.
This was my fav. part: Oh, to Hell with it! Let it turn green Let the garden suffer from a loss of yellow and red I always liked green best anyway
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#5
06-29-2006, 03:58 PM
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Thanks Brittany!
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers. Riverstones let the water flow around them.
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#6
06-30-2006, 06:45 AM
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Amazing, I was about to write a poem about this same sort of idea. I'm still going to do it, but please don't think I'm stealing your idea!
 Anyways, I liked it. I agree about the repetition "i pinch off the dying blossoms" was boring, though I guess that was the intent? I'm still not really a big fan of that stanza. But I loved the end, because that is exactly my mindset on this.
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Brandon 'I saw no God, nor heard any, in a finite organical perception; but my senses discover'd the infinite in every thing, ... I cared not for consequences but wrote.' -Blake
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#7
06-30-2006, 01:39 PM
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Go for it, Trip!
Gardeners I have read this to here in Old Virginia, always laugh at the repition of the pinching off the mums. Maybe they are the primary audience for this poem. If I took that verse out I'm not sure what I would put in - would it be better if I added a 3rd flower to pinch off, so the feeling of endless work comes through but not quite so redundantly?
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If I did not tell you all the changes you might consider, I would be doing you a disservice, treating you with less than the full respect you deserve. This much I have learned from my years teaching and mentoring writers. Riverstones let the water flow around them.
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