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My Elvish Maiden

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  #1  
Old 03-16-2012, 08:08 PM
KBR (Offline)
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Default My Elvish Maiden


a summer wine
once filled my cup
but in the honest midnight muse
I realized
that laughter shared in heady youth
will fade away like melting snow
and leave me lonely
full of sighs
and look aways
from walkers by

but now I'm steeped
and drunken sprawled
across the bed
that held the night
now filled with early morning light

your blue black hair
and pillow white
look like a storm
that sailors dread
where blackest clouds obscure the sun
and crewmen mutter 'we're undone'

but on this bed
the clouds do part
to show your face
my harbor safe

adrift alone
in endless water
I made safe port
within your eyes
I turned my back on seas of grey
and sailed into an ocean new
with heaven's stars in pools of blue

you hardly seem of human race
your brow so smooth
and graceful eyes
from elven band
I think you've strayed
I thank my God that you have stayed
for however long you will abide
I'm grateful that you're by my side

your fragrance will not stay confined
it reaches out to touch my mind
and wrap me in some heaven mist

this morning it has filled the room
like honeysuckle
soaks the air
in deep of night
with sweetest scent

a fairy cordial
a taste divine
if you are willing to leave behind
the mortal world
to venture on
the otherside
where elvish maidens all reside

no angel prints upon the floor
they dare not tread so close to you
and risk the chance
to fall from grace
and lose their rapture of Divine
from just one look into the blue
the living wonder
I know as you


Last edited by KBR; 03-16-2012 at 11:07 PM..
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  #2  
Old 03-16-2012, 08:25 PM
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Phyllis Stewart (Offline)
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Wow! I was about to go back and post favorite lines, but I would have to copy 80% of this very fine poem! Good use of metaphor, and superb phrasing throughout!

I HAVE to mention THIS one though!

no angel prints upon the floor
they dare not tread so close to you

Sure wish they'd get the new quarter's nomination thread up, because I want to add this to the list!
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Last edited by Phyllis Stewart; 03-16-2012 at 08:51 PM..
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  #3  
Old 03-16-2012, 09:00 PM
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---I made safe port within your eyes---
I hear a song. In the first stanza perhaps only one summer wine might be stronger. The secong might even be ---that wine---.

Another good one.

R.
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  #4  
Old 03-16-2012, 11:09 PM
KBR (Offline)
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Thanks Phyllis! This one was hard to get right. I'm glad you think it turned out well!!
Originally Posted by Phyllis Stewart View Post
Wow! I was about to go back and post favorite lines, but I would have to copy 80% of this very fine poem! Good use of metaphor, and superb phrasing throughout!

I HAVE to mention THIS one though!

no angel prints upon the floor
they dare not tread so close to you

Sure wish they'd get the new quarter's nomination thread up, because I want to add this to the list!
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Old 03-16-2012, 11:09 PM
KBR (Offline)
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I agree R! Made a change. Thanks!!
Originally Posted by Waterpoor View Post
---I made safe port within your eyes---
I hear a song. In the first stanza perhaps only one summer wine might be stronger. The secong might even be ---that wine---.

Another good one.

R.
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  #6  
Old 03-17-2012, 12:54 AM
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quote;[ and look aways
from walkers by

I just loved this! Yet another example of your talent, Beautifully imagined and presented. Well done!
Best regards
D
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  #7  
Old 03-17-2012, 02:44 AM
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What they said ....
I would usually run away screaming from a longer poem but I didn't even notice this was long until I finished. It held me all the way through. lovely!
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  #8  
Old 03-17-2012, 02:53 AM
KBR (Offline)
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I'm glad it held your attention! Thanks for the comment Loz!!!!
Originally Posted by Loz View Post
What they said ....
I would usually run away screaming from a longer poem but I didn't even notice this was long until I finished. It held me all the way through. lovely!
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Old 03-17-2012, 02:54 AM
KBR (Offline)
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Thanks Ethan! I was hoping someone would notice those lines! Thanks again!
Originally Posted by Ethan Blake View Post
quote;[ and look aways
from walkers by

I just loved this! Yet another example of your talent, Beautifully imagined and presented. Well done!
Best regards
D
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  #10  
Old 05-10-2012, 08:54 AM
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I know it's extremely unbecoming on my part to comment upon any of your works but still.......this one was just WOW.I simply love the last stanza.
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  #11  
Old 05-10-2012, 10:30 AM
KBR (Offline)
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How unbecoming? You can say whatever you want good or bad. All goes to refine the finished product! thanks for your comments. Please feel free to make them as often as you feel moved to do so. Thanks again!
Originally Posted by SadLoner View Post
I know it's extremely unbecoming on my part to comment upon any of your works but still.......this one was just WOW.I simply love the last stanza.
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