WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


The Game

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-01-2011, 04:55 PM
Phyllis Stewart's Avatar
Phyllis Stewart (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Chicago Suburb
Posts: 466
Thanks: 2
Thanks 124
Default The Game


This poem just won first prize in a poetry contest, believe it or not (and I know some of you won't, but that's okay).

The Game

Yesterday was a sunny day,
made for playing on the sands.
With hot dogs bursting on the grill,
Mom yelled, "Wash your hands."

My cousins and I were barefoot,
playing volleyball on the shore.
We were hungry but having fun,
wanting just a little more.

The score was close at ten to nine,
as I hit the ball over the net.
"Just a little bit longer," I begged,
"The game isnít over yet."

Grandma and her sisters sat
with the women in the shade,
laughing loud and talking soft,
drinking pop and lemonade.

Dad and my uncles and Grandpa
played cards beneath a tree.
Holding a can of beer in his hand,
Dad started to motion to me.

But the score had just been tied.
Would he let us finish the set?
"Just a little bit longer," I begged,
"The game isnít over yet."

All that happened yesterday,
before they grayed and died,
leaving me on the precipice,
next to cross to the other side.

Not now, my scoreís only 81.
That canít be all I get!
"Just a little bit longer," I beg.
"The game isnít over yet."


copyright © 2011 Phyllis Stewart





__________________
Phyllis

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by Phyllis Stewart; 01-08-2012 at 11:53 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Phyllis Stewart For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (11-05-2011)
  #2  
Old 11-03-2011, 01:19 AM
Ethan Blake's Avatar
Ethan Blake (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Pillars of Hercules
Posts: 1,540
Thanks: 718
Thanks 347
Send a message via AIM to Ethan Blake Send a message via Skype™ to Ethan Blake
Default

hey Phyllis,
I can understand why this poem won a prize, it touches the feelings and and hopes of everyone. the clever comparison to childhood is masterful and played with just the right amount of pathos, this is a thoughtful and thought provoking piece without the sentimentality that's usually invoked. Congrats on your win, this deserves all the plaudits it receives.
Best Regards
D
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

'THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEAD!'

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-03-2011, 03:57 AM
Firemajic's Avatar
Firemajic (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 54
Thanks: 0
Thanks 17
Default

Very nice! Congratulations on your poetry win !!This is so beguiling, lots of wonderful images of childhood. Very well constructed and executed from beginning to end,well done.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-05-2011, 08:38 PM
Phyllis Stewart's Avatar
Phyllis Stewart (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Chicago Suburb
Posts: 466
Thanks: 2
Thanks 124
Default

Thank you, Ethan and Jul, for your kind comments. And Ethan, thanks for the nomination!
__________________
Phyllis

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-07-2011, 12:47 PM
Firebird (Offline)
Scribbler
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 31
Thanks: 2
Thanks 5
Default

I like this poem too and also can understand how it won first prize. I like the idea of the game not being over until you die, and the langauge is simple and the rhymes natural, which only add to its power.

Excellent poem, all in all.

Cheers,

Firebird
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-09-2011, 05:18 PM
Phyllis Stewart's Avatar
Phyllis Stewart (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Chicago Suburb
Posts: 466
Thanks: 2
Thanks 124
Default

Firebird, thank you. Glad you enjoyed the read.
__________________
Phyllis

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My game design documents. JackWriter Free Writing 2 11-30-2010 07:12 PM
New York Yankees Jim Colyer Non-Fiction 1 11-09-2009 02:18 PM
Game Script Writing Nikhil Raktale Writing Markets 1 05-20-2009 03:10 PM
The Laughing Game (warning: potentially sensitive material) lady_blue Fiction 6 12-11-2008 12:21 PM
Stories Where Legends are Born part 4 EndlessPoss. Fiction 3 05-04-2007 01:46 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:19 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.