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My Voice Is Not Stilled

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  #1  
Old 09-07-2011, 12:21 PM
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Default My Voice Is Not Stilled




My Voice Is Not Stilled

Listen!
Once I cursed at jungle vines
as I crawled in Vietnam.
I was the warrior Prince and sang
my song near the DMZ
I met the enemy at CamLo and screamed
at him in fighting rage.
He died silently on an ugly hill
and I died silently beside him.
In the terrible thunder of war
We waited unspeaking of time.

Listen!
Now I laugh with mountain trout
in mirrored pools of Goose Creek.
I sing with summer winds
strumming tops of Bighorn pines.
I whisper springtime meadow secrets
to dancing bees in crocus ballrooms.
I cry tears that fall with leaves of quakin’ asp’.
In the wintertime I speak
the soft swoosh of a child’s sled
on fresh Wyoming snow.
I wait unspeaking of time.


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:26 PM
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This was beautiful.

He died silently on an ugly hill
and I died silently beside him.
In the terrible thunder of war
We waited unspeaking of time.
Not much I can say, it works as it is. Stunning imagery.

Possibly a nomination for Member's Choice from me.
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Last edited by Ink; 09-07-2011 at 12:33 PM..
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Old 09-09-2011, 10:28 AM
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I like this. though it bothers me a bit that I can't seem to figure exactly what it is about. The "persona" speaking seems like everything and nothing! is it time? or war? or maybe happiness or humanity or laughter? i feel like this poem is a riddle for me to solve...
I just cant seem to point to what the thing talking is. Could you help us know what its about please?

other than that though, I love just how you describe and give imagery so filling yet not overly done. Nicely work.
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Old 09-09-2011, 02:39 PM
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mmb, if you will look on the second page of poetry you wiill find a poem called ---washutt---. the two poems were not meant to stand alone. ---washutt--- is in my voice, ---my voice is not stilled--- in his. sorry about the confusion.
r.
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Old 09-10-2011, 05:53 AM
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This is beautiful. I love the specificity of place; not just a creek, but Goose Creek, not just a village, but CamLo (I assume that's a village?).

I'd say I'm confused, though. in the other poem, washutt, it seems like the two subjects are on the same side; in this poem, like they are enemies.

At any rate, both poems are deep and moving, and I have no suggestions for improvements. I always enjoy reading your poems, Waterpoor.
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:43 AM
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Thanks for clearing that up Waterpoor.
I see how this one fits neatly and rightly in with the other.
Both are beautiful works.
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