Basic examples of bad grammar

[Ethan Blake]

This isn't really the subject of the post, I just got sent this and thought you Guys might enjoy .
Complaints from Council House Owners. These are genuine clips from council
complaint letters:
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

6. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

7. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

8. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

14. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC 2.

AND........................................

As reported in the newspaper.

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

(The Daily Telegraph)

_____

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

_____


At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

( Aberdeen Evening Express)

_____


Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"

( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

[Kas81]

David, this belongs in the 'Make us laugh' thread. It's funnier than anything we've currently got in there. LMAO
I copied the first one over, hope you don't mind!

[Nadja]

I can't help wondering if councils get a little creative sometimes..some of these seem rather too pat. anyway thanks for the laugh David!

[Mike C]

Belongs in the Urban Myth folder, for the terminally gullible.

[Ethan Blake]

Sense of humour failure? Or a bad day at the office?

[Mike C]

Neither, just really bored of senseless lists of shit passed off as 'real'.

[bYardBombardier]

That was funny and refreshing so I'll let any credibility concerns slide.

[LadyDomino]

Great list David if nothing else it has reminded me to double check what I've written to make sure sense makes it.

[1000Steps]

Funny stuff...

[LadyDomino]

A few more examples....

1. Butcher's sign: Try our sausages. None like them.
2. A tailor's guarantee: If the smallest hole appears after six months' wear, we will make another absolutely free.
3. Lost: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail.
4. Barber's sign: Hair cut while you wait.
5. Lost: Wallet belonging to a young man made of calf skin
6. It takes many ingredients to make Burger King great but, the secret ingredient is our people.
7. Slow Children Crossing.
8. "Should Madonna be aloud to adopt again?"
9. Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
10. "Elephants Please Stay In Your Car." (Warning at a safari park).
11. 'Service products are often intangible, perishable, inseparable and heterogenital'
12. 'Bangkok's notoriously girly bars attract businessmen and larger louts
13. 'The Loire valley inspired the chef to cook delicacies such as salmon, elves and lamprey'
14. 'Air stewardesses step into the role of portraying their front region, as the job requires them to.'
15. And finally: 'Control of infectious diseases is very important in case an academic breaks out.'

[TheHothive]

LOST COAT TAG POLICY
If you loose or can not produce your coat check tag, you must way until the close of business, to claim your belongings.


The worst thing that could happen to someone who uses bad grammar: A mocking post on this blog, a scolding from a nearby grammarian, and sometimes it could be worse.

[Ganman]

Grammar is an essential skill, but not everybody develops it, much to their disadvantage. However, this does not make them completely uneducated. There are valuable disciplines outside of the English language, and even some that can't be measured.
What I'm saying is that they may not be completely stupid, and even if they are, that doesn't mean we should think less of people like this. They probably have redeeming qualities.

[mynameis]

I was expecting something different, but thanks for making me laugh

[annabelle07]

I was expecting something totally different as well...thought it would be a learning session...but this is a whole different kind of learning and mistakes to look out for...hehe...love it...you made me laugh! thanks!