If there is one thing that I find refreshing in this poem, it is your use of scientific terms such as “particles”, “supernovas”, “axis”, “gravity” etc. These are some really concrete images that are especially effective when combined with your repetition of “Until”. Unfortunately, I find this power is somewhat undermined by the extremely cliché start to the poem, “I will wait until the end of all time...” The last two images are also poorly executed. “Until heaven and hell merges into one afterworld” is clumsily worded and “meet at the end of all shores” is too abstract – particularly so when in comparison to the specific images before.
However, I believe your poem might be strong enough to carry itself on what’s in italics alone. I like the idea of two voices but with vague phrases such as, “For my world won't be, until you are here, in existence,” the ‘normal type’ voice simply pales in comparison to the strong italics voice. It might be an idea to attain balance by adding something more substantial and concrete to the ‘normal type’ voice or get rid of it altogether.
One thing this poem reminded me of was Auden’s ‘Funeral Blues’ with the lines, “Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;” in particular. Personally, I like your scientific language and you should definitely keep that. However, if I was to experiment with the other voice I might consider using language such as Auden. Notice how it’s not ‘demolish the moon’ or ‘ravage the forests’ – the use of “sweep”, for example, is more delicate so thus creates a more subdued effect to how Auden feels (which is consequently equally effective for showing emotion, in my opinion). This would create an interesting and unique contrast with your powerful scientific terms without being abstract.