Death (FIB)

[Haragorn]

Death,

Dead

ly Death.

It drives you

to the end of life.

It will drive you insane, constant

ly spreading out and taking control. Death is a dark

poison, pumping out through your heart and stopping you. It is as cold as Doubt, its fell bro

ther. Few escape it. Fear nothing but Death itself. But Death itself would never settle for that. It flows through your veins, freezing your movement. The

Venom of Death will flow through your head and rip through your health. It exploits all flaws, destroying your life slowly. Life, indeed, can be a blockade against it, as can Health; but true Death will melt everything it finds. It works along

side Fear and Doubt, using every power they possess to destroy. Fear slithers in, and the fangs that are Self-Doubt will inject poison Death to do its work for it. Do not Fear it, Fear feeds Doubt, Doubt feeds Death, and Death feeds Fear. The brothers care for each other. They are the Worm, the Fang, and the Venom. Fear is the bearer, Doubt is the tool, and Death is the unsuspected end.

[riverstone]

Hey Haragorn
This poem feels like it doesn't know whether it is prose or poem. It also may work better as 2 poems, one re: death and the 2nd re: the triumverate of your last stanza. But, I find your broken lines very intersting in the way they graphically represent the concept of death as you write of it. My suggestion is to look for unneccesary lines or phrases and take them out. Be more sparing with your words, and consider wither 2 poems or one that expounds on all 3 members of the deadly trio.

Good Writing -
Riverstone