The Booger Snake incident of 78 - 410 Words

[MJ Preston]

The Booger Snake incident of 78- Humor

When I was in grade eight I remember getting the worst head cold.

On the day in question I went to school and sat down in home room which also happened to be my English class. In that class we all had two desks pushed together so that you were paired up with another student. I can't remember the name of the underacheiver who sat by me, but he looked kinda like the skinny kid from Superbad. I think it might have been Gerry.

Anyway our Home room teacher was kinda uptight and we sat close to the front of the class so I usually caught a detention and Gerry usually was always guilty by association.

Anyway, I came in snorking and unable to breath that morning and Mrs Uptight looked like she had a migraine headache and told us that she was in no mood for noise so the law had been laid down.

I remember that my head felt like a block of cement before it happened and as I turned to Gerry the under-acheiver I sneezed and out it came.

I did not realize the extent of the carnage until I heard Gerry mutter "Oh my God."
Then as my blurred vision cleared I saw the horror. Snaked out across the two desks like some macabre green tendon was the biggest booger snake I had ever produced. This bastard protruded downward from my left nostril through midair and across the vast expance of the two desks. It's tip was mere millimetres from the horrified Gerry the Under-achiever's left hand.
At this point no one except myself and Gerry the Under-Achiever bore witness to the apocalyptic booger snake and I immediately realized that if this two and a half foot mucus membrane were spotted by any girl I would be doomed to masturbate the rest of my high school days.

Thinking quickly I covered my mouth and used all my strength and power needed to harness that python and drag it back into my nasal cavity where it belonged.

In only a moment and only under the sound of a snork I reeled in the booger snake and it was gone leaving only a finite trail of booger snake slime on the desk in it's wake and the muttering and dazed Gerry the Under-Achiever staring in disbelief mouthing the words that would no longer come out.

Oh my god oh my god.

[B. Milliken]

I was already nauseated from my chocolate Cheerios and this just pushed my stomach to its limits. Thanks for writing it so well. I'm not sure that you posted for critiques, but two things stood out to me: the two consecutive sentences starting with anyway and Gerry usually was always. Disgusting, but fun.