random midnight poem.. :)

[azul]

Just something that popped into my head late at night not too long ago. Actually, this was my first poem ever - so while I'm not certain I like it I'm kind of attached to it and fail at critique even more than usual Would love your thoughts!

--

At a quarter past November I stumbled upon your door
in my stained coat
eyes burdened by shadows of suitcases
filthy nails, drifter’s stubble
and cherry brandy breath masking the whiff of last night’s whore.
And you answered, in your nightgown
hemmed with dragonflies and heather,
and your eyes shone bright with fury
but you whispered: hello stranger.
And I curled you round three fingers,
combed your honey through your hair,
and pondering happy endings
watched your heavy lashes flutter
as you sighed
a tuneless ditty
scrawled in the ecstasy of your slumber.
But at a quarter past December
when the mad sun raped the ochre
I kissed your sleeping eyelids
warmed by the cruel caress of summer
and was gone.

[Karolina]

It's a very raw poem. I like it. I specially like the line "combed your honey throught your hair."

[drewlink99]

Very nice. Good things come late at night.

[GodModule]

Very raw, indeed. I love your choice of words. It's very strong for a first poem. Or any poem, for that matter.

[NokturnalMe]

It is very intense.
I felt the intensity of that meeting at the door.

The word choice is sexy and dark. Which is perfect for the sombre mood.
Love to read more of your works.

[azul]

Thank you all for the encouragement!!