Azmacna. Chapter 3: City of Shadows

[Azmacna]

edit

[calligraphy]

Once this got going I liked it very well

Azmacna twitched at Drogue’s side. He ignored it, but the inference had left a pained look in his eyes. If he were to be its slave, then he would serve when he chose to. Although his fate was entwined with Azmacna and Sorrow, the one thing he could retain was will. He would not let the greed of the blade hurry the resurrection of Thool, and he would not become its puppet. Fiddlesticks had taken everything and everyone he loved, but he would not have him.



My favorite part

[Azmacna]

thanks Call. in all three chapters there are sections that i would consider 'place holders', meaning sentences or words that i just put there in order to continue without having to scratch my head too long. i'm hoping to hone this a lot more when i've got another chapter or two done and change a few things here and there. i now know the full story and i'm very pleased with it

one particular sentence i detest is this:

The majority of these chimneys were domestic, but a great number were industrial, towering above the rooftops and choking the heavens with contempt.

just plain awful. any suggestions?

[Azmacna]

I've added the important additions to Chapter 1 in the first post and have expanded the conversation with Carowan in this chapter.

[calligraphy]

Originally Posted by Azmacna

thanks Call. in all three chapters there are sections that i would consider 'place holders', meaning sentences or words that i just put there in order to continue without having to scratch my head too long. i'm hoping to hone this a lot more when i've got another chapter or two done and change a few things here and there. i now know the full story and i'm very pleased with it

one particular sentence i detest is this: The majority of these chimneys were domestic, but a great number were industrial, towering above the rooftops and choking the heavens with contempt.

just plain awful. any suggestions?

Ok WARNING: My writing is nothing, nothing like yours lol so this is just an idea and a starter for your options with the above sentence but something like this would work in context (sorta)

Chimneys that filled the sky with their light wood smoke were outnumbered by the industrial billows from taller stacks that towered above the domestic rooftops choking the heavens with comtempt.

So not it but I was moving words around to help up the mechanics anyway lol

[Azmacna]

i'm cutting and pasting that! i'll tamper with it a bit but thanks