Excerpt (Prologue/Chapter One)

[controlledchaos]

This is my prologue and first chapter for my currently focused on story, Rage and Love (...and Other Teenage Emotions). Yeah, I know, goofy title that was a product of boredom in study hall with one of my friends. Tell me what you think of it, and if there are any improvements that need to be made, I'm open to all suggestions and comments!

Prologue

Kyle Armstrong was my best friend. We had known each other all our lives and I think it’s safe to say that he was my everything. We did everything together, from playing guitar down in his basement to making stupid videos to just sitting there talking about life. He was honestly the only person who really got me. He always understood what I was saying and where I was coming from. He could always see things from my perspective, and I guess that’s why we were so close… because we understood each other.
Kyle was the type of person that could brighten anyone’s day, no matter what his mood was. If you were having a bad day or were in a bad mood, he would always find a way to make you smile. He could always do this for me, always. It absolutely amazed me how much I smiled when I was around him. It was always little things he would say and do. He wouldn’t make a big production out of a joke, everything was always really subtle with Kyle, and he wasn’t what you would call a clown. He was just Kyle.

I can clearly remember the way that he looked everyday. He always wore jeans, some sort of band t-shirt (His favorites were My Chemical Romance, Escape the Fate, and Panic At The Disco.), and Etnies. He had dark brown hair that was sort of long and choppy, and he recently put bright red on the tips. He had bright blue eyes which any girl could stare into for hours on end, and had a slender build. He was, in my opinion, absolutely gorgeous.

We grew up together. He lived right down the street from the house we moved into when I was three years old. My parents, Karen and Mike Hurt had just divorced and Mom left Clearwater, Florida, and drove all the way to San Francisco, California, (where her brother, Phil lived) with my sister, Kelsey and I in the back seat of her beat-up Sedan. Uncle Phil let us live in the house with him if we paid a small rent, and Kyle’s mom, Leslie offered to baby-sit Kelsey and I while he was at work and Mom looked for a job. The first day Kelsey and I were at their house, Kyle came up to me and asked if I wanted to play with his Tonka™ truck. We had been inseparable ever since.

As the years went by, Kyle and I grew closer. We were as close as two guys could be without being gay together. We were always together, at school and at home. When we were apart we were talking on the phone, the computer, or texting. He was, as I said before, my best friend and my everything. We were close enough to the point that we could tell what the other was thinking or what he was getting ready to say. During the beginning of our freshman year in high school, Kyle helped me come to terms with something and I will forever thank him for that.

Kyle was an all-around amazing person and I will not deny that I was and still am in love with him. He made me the person that I am today. We went through so much together in our four years of high school. This is our story.

Chapter One

“You taught my heart a sense I never knew I had, I can’t forget the times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth. How do you do it? You’re my heroine. I will save myself.”
Kyle finished singing and I stopped playing my guitar and he his. We put them down and I looked at him.

“We did really good today.” I said, and Kyle chuckled in agreement.

“Yeah.” he said, “Especially considering we started learning it last weekend.” We both laughed.

It was the summer before our freshman year in high school and this was what our days were filled with. We played guitar and sang in his basement almost every day and we would listen to our favorite bands, non-stop and at sometimes-less-than-reasonable volume levels. This was what we were all about, this was who we were. I let out a content sigh and looked back into Kyle’s eyes. We laughed again, this time for no apparent reason. He looked over at me and took a deep breath, and I knew he wanted to discuss something serious. I sat up straighter.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

“You know that thing I was talking to you about a little bit before school let out?” He said, somewhat nervously.

I nodded, “Yeah, what about it?”

Kyle took a deep breath, and I could tell that he was extremely nervous. I gently touched his wrist.

“Kyle you know that no matter what you decide, I’m always going to be here for you. You’re my best friend and I’m going to back you up no matter what. I promise.” I assured, and he smiled at me and relaxed a little.

He took another deep breath. “Well I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, you know… trying to come to terms with it and everything.” He started, then took another deep breath. “And I think I am, Ethan. I’m pretty sure that I’m gay.”

He took another deep breath and looked at me, as if he didn’t know what I was going to do. I gave him a warm, reassuring smile.

“I knew it.” I said, casually, and we both laughed. “Do your parents know yet?” I asked.

“No, not yet.” he replied, “You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Well I feel special.” I said, laughing.

Kyle chuckled and said, “You should.”

He looked out the basement window and noticed that it was getting somewhat dark. “Do you want to spend the night?” he asked, “I’m sure Mom will be okay with it.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Let me text my mom real quick first.” I took my phone out of my pocket and started typing.
Staying w/Kyle 2night. That ok?

“It should be okay with her.” I said as I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket. I looked at Kyle again. “So, when are you planning on telling your parents?”

He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I mean, I’m only 14. I don’t want to freak them out or anything, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. What do you think they’ll say?” I asked.

“I don’t really know.” Kyle said, with a somewhat nervous look in his eye. “I mean, I guess they could be okay with it, well you know how they are with things, but at the same time I’m not really sure. I mean, you never really plan on hearing your 14-year-old son telling you that he’s gay.”

I nodded and smiled at him. To someone who didn’t know him very well, he seemed calm and happy. But I knew that he was absolutely scared and nervous on the inside. I knew that there were a million things going through his mind. I put my hand on his shoulder in order to comfort him. He smiled nervously. I smiled back and picked up my guitar and started playing “The Fever” by The Academy Is. Kyle smiled and picked up his guitar and started playing as well.

When we finished the song I got his video camera from the shelf above the bed and turned it on. I panned it over to him. He smiled and strummed on his guitar like he wasn’t even paying attention.

“So, Kyle, how are you today?” I asked in a business-like manner.
He laughed and looked up at the camera. “I’m fine. How are you today, Ethan?” His tone was the same as mine. He kept strumming his guitar as we both chuckled.

“What song are you playing?” I asked. This was a serious question because he was playing something I’d never heard before.

“Just a song I’m writing.” he said, “I just started working on it. I don’t even know about lyrics for it yet.”

He looked up at the camera as he kept strumming the guitar. I listened to the sound of the strings and let out another sigh. It sounded so smooth and slow. I turned the camera off and listened very closely to the chords as he played.

As Kyle played his song, all the bad in my life seemed to melt away. It seemed like everything would always be okay and nothing could ever go wrong. It was a weird feeling. The sound of the chords he played was extremely soothing and it blew me away. He finished playing and looked up at me.


“That’s really good, Kyle.” I said.

“Thanks.” he replied, “I just need to figure out the lyrics for it. The music part of it isn’t even done yet.”

“Well I really like it.” I said, smiling.
Kyle smiled back and let out a chuckle. “Well I’m glad you like it, Ethan.”

“Me too.” I said, chuckling too. I grabbed the camera again and turned it back on. Kyle laughed as I did so and waved at the camera. I zoomed in on his face and then zoomed out again and he looked at me kind of funny.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Dude, I don’t even know.” I said, laughing. He took the camera out of my hands and put it on me.

“This is Ethan, and he’s an idiot” he said. I pouted playfully at the camera and we both started laughing. I looked at the camera again and made a face, then turned my head away and Kyle turned it off.

I laid down on my back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. He looked down at me and threw a pillow on top of my face. I laughed and grabbed it, throwing it at him. Kyle laughed again and then had that serious look in his face. I cocked my head to the side slightly and patted the empty space beside me.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I guess I’m just really nervous.” Kyle said as he lay down beside me.

“Why? Because of your parents?”

“Yeah. I mean, I just don’t want to disappoint them.” He turned on his side and rested his head on his hand, looking at me.

“You’re not going to disappoint them, Kyle.” I assured him. “They love you no matter what. They always will. I’m sure that they’ll back you up 100% on this, especially if you’re sure about it, which I know you are. Because I know you, Kyle and if you weren’t absolutely and completely positive that you really are gay, then you wouldn’t have told me.”

Kyle nodded and yawned, then turned over on his back and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

As Kyle laid beside me, I knew he was still really nervous. I could tell that from the way he looked, the way he breathed. Everything about him let me know that he was nervous and scared. There were many things that I wanted to tell him to comfort him, but I couldn’t get them out. It was the first time I couldn’t get my words out around Kyle. I wanted to tell him that I knew how he felt, but it was too hard because, honestly, I didn’t. I didn’t know how he felt because I never had to come out to anyone before. The feelings that Kyle had deep down inside him at that very moment were probably the only ones that I didn’t feel myself. That was a scary thought because we always knew what the other was feeling or thinking. Always.

Though as we laid there in complete silence, I could slowly start to feel his fear entering my body ad I felt that I could feel what he was feeling. If I laid still long enough and neither one of us said a single word, I could feel the fear and the anxiety that Kyle felt. Laying there with him in silence told me more about what he was feeling than if he would have came out and told me himself. I looked over at him his eyes fluttered open, yet neither one of us said a word, for at that moment, we understood exactly what was going on.

*Note: Kyle's song does have significance later on in the story.
Sorry it's so long, I didn't realize it was until I actually posted it.