The Choice

[Blakecx]

Today I have a choice.
You know the one I speak of.
The one you don't want me to make the one you fear.
As I sit here thinking about the time; thinking about everything we have done, seen, and felt.
I can feel my heart as it beats slower the tears start to form.
My mind is racing with the choice that has become a knife in my heart, it will either make us stronger or tear us down.
I wish I didn't have the choice I have today.
But in the end its your choice to.
Yours to stay or yours to go.
To work things out or just to give it all up.
As we stare the silence is broke.
A choice was made and our lives were changed.

For the better or for the worse you may ask but you will never know as the reader.
It wasn't yours to make but will be one day.

"Every decision we make in our life affects someone or something. What will yours be when the time comes? Will you change someones life for the better or change it for the worst?"



I just wrote this one a few minuets ago, tell me what you think. "Keep in mind this is my first real post." Thanks!

[HoiLei]

Hi Blake! This almost feels like the resolution of a longer story, perhaps unwritten. There were a few SPAG (SPelling And Grammar) errors. I'll use red for corrections and blue for comments:

Originally Posted by Blakecx

Today I have a choice.
You know the one I speak of. (maybe a colon here?)
The one you don't want me to make the one you fear.
As I sit here thinking about the time (not semicolon) thinking about everything we have done, seen, and felt.
I can feel my heart as it beats slower; the tears start to form.
My mind is racing with the choice that has become a knife in my heart; it will either make us stronger or tear us down.
I wish I didn't have the choice I have today. (I'd link this to the next with a comma)
But in the end its it's your choice too.
Yours to stay or yours to go.
To work things out or just to give it all up.
As we stare the silence is broken.
A choice was made and our lives were changed. (all these fragments are a little distracting.)

For the better or for the worse you may ask but you will never know as the reader.
It wasn't yours to make but will be one day.

"Every decision we make in our life lives affects someone or something. What will yours be when the time comes? Will you change someone's life for the better or change it for the worst?"

The Reference Room forum has some great explanations of when to use commas and semicolons.

As for content, it's interesting for a little while, but it's not concrete enough to be memorable. For instance, the whole thing is talking about "it" and a mysterious "choice". There's little for a reader to relate to. If you choose to use this in a story, poem, or essay, you will need specific examples and images.

Thanks for posting,
HoiLei

[Blakecx]

I have been reading around the forum to better improve my writing but I guess it is bland and not very interesting. I'm just starting to get into really trying to write. Thanks for your comments!

[HoiLei]

The best way to learn is to do! As you write, you'll develop an understanding of what makes writing interesting. What you have here is an interesting idea, but it won't really pop until you add characters and a situation. Don't be discouraged... it'll come with time and effort.

[Rozaline]

I like the idea here.

I am left wondering what the "choice", is. So you have caught my attention with your writing. Thats the best way to start. Catch your readers attention and guide them through your writing.

Will this become a longer, more developed piece at some point, or will it stay small?

[SW]

There were a few SPAG (SPelling And Grammar)

Hoi - it's actually Spelling, Puncuation And Grammar. Well, I s'pose it's an interpretation, anyway...

But, yes, Blake, it's an interesting piece. Nicely abstracted in some areas.

[HoiLei]

Originally Posted by SynonymousWords

Hoi - it's actually Spelling, Puncuation And Grammar. Well, I s'pose it's an interpretation, anyway...

Oh! Well, I learn something new every day. Thanks!

[SW]

No problem.

[Blakecx]

synonymous It will be a larger piece, I write several of those small ones a day that was with out corrections made. Thank you all for your input!

[Sunny]

Blake-Nice to see you take the plunge. It is an interesting beginning or ending but it seems to be begging for some more dimension. I'd like to root for the decision maker or something. It doesn't involve me because it' vague.

[Clueless robot]

I like how pull the reader in by telling them that they know what you're talking about. It helps them feel like they're a part of your story.
Keep up the good work!