Contest Results | Poetry | Mothers (May 2007)

[Mridula]

After a close contest, the talented gary_wagner wins again! Congratulations to all the participants and thank you for participating.

Final results:

gary_wagner – 18.8
Wrath – 18.5
_zeb_ – 17.6
Kal – 17.3
kittie067 – 17.3
Hekate – 17.3
Ianaia74 – 16.8
Winterstorm – 15.3

Originally Posted by BreezyWriter

Member: kal
Title: Sets of Six
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Comments: In a round about way I can feel a family day, at the table. But nothing precise about the mother. Except for what she’d say.
Score: 15 /20
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Member: Wrath
Title: Unknown
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments:Wonderful poem, nice rhythm. Giving a nice view and thoughts as to what a mother is.
Score: 19/20
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Member: Ianaia74
Title: My Guardian Angel
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments:Nice piece of work dedicating this to your stepmother. Be careful for small errors and repetition.
Score: 18 /20
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Member: gary_wagner
Title: Solitary Memories
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments:Nice thoughts, though it represent more of a wish. Even though there is some mention of what you think of her.
Score: 18/20
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Member:kittie067
Title: Lullaby
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments:Nice reminisce of a childhood that brought you to care for your children in the same way.
Score: 18/20
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Member: _zeb_
Title: loving son
Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments:Nice dedication. Wonderfully written. Beware of small errors.
Score: 17/20
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Member: Hekate
Title: Too Many Mothers
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: I found most of the end to be very well put into words. Nice mixture though somewhat confusing. Some how I felt like all was not well, until the end.
Score: 17 /20
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Member: winterstorm
Title: I love you, I really do
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Comments:.I could feel some rhyming though it was not consistent.
Score: 16/20

Originally Posted by OnceUponATime

My Scores for the Poetry Contest:

Member: Kal
Title: Sets of Six
Mechanics: 5 /5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 19/20
Comments: Nicely done - and good point on the Mother's Day not necessarily being in May for everyone.

Member: Wrath
Title: My Entry
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 19/20
Comments: Poignant, heartfelt, well written. Excellent job!

Member: Lanaia74
Title: My Guardian Angel
Mechanics: 4 /5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Score: 15/20
Comments: Beautiful sentiments throughout; a lovely piece. Some lines were rather long, but overall the point was made clearly and in a very heartfelt manner. Nicely done.

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Solitary Memories
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Score: 20/20
Comments: I cried a little after reading this one. Enough said right there. Terrific writing.

Member: Kittie067
Title: Lullaby
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Score: 18/20
Comments: A heartbreaking yet uplifting piece. Very well done!

Member: _zeb_
Title: Loving Son
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Score: 20/20
Comments: Loved this! You should write Mother's Day cards. Beautifully done!

Member: Hekate
Title: Too Many Mothers
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Score: 18/20
Comments: Darkly beautiful and speaks of the true nature of motherhood. Excellent writing here!

Member: Winterstorm
Title: I Love You, I Really Do
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Score: Very dark in a gothic sort of way, but an interesting take on the prompt.
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Originally Posted by aprilrain

Member: kal
Title: Sets of Six

I think you could start with the second stanza here. Talking about Harry’s tumblers without explaining who he is creates a stumbling block. There are several lines here that I thought were wonderful: “One of us would make a different chink in the yearly toast,” for one. Great use of symbolism and showing the family dynamic through actions.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 18/20
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Member: Wrath
Title: My entry

Nice rhythm and rhyme. A wonderful sentiment that I hope you have, or plan to, share with your mom.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 17.5/20
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: lanaia74
Title: My Guardian Angel

So lovely and heartfelt. With the long lines, I don’t think it’s necessary to constrain yourself to the rhyme scheme. In fact, in some places, you were almost trying too hard to make a word fit. It’s beautiful the way it is, but if you revise, ignore the rhyme and focus on the message.

Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 17.5/20
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Member: gary_wagner
Title: Solitary Memories

So sad and bittersweet, yet charming. By thinking of memories she might have, we learn a lot about the narrator. If you revise, try to clarify that it is Charlie, and not the goose, that is yelling. A very mild hiccup in an otherwise stellar piece.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall: 9/10

Score: 18.5/20
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Member: kittie067
Title: Lullaby

Very tender words with the underlying fear and worry. Remove the “’s” in the second stanza to retain the proper tense, and spell out “four feet.” Nice job overall!

Spelling/Grammar: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 16/20
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Member: _zeb_
Title: loving son

“The best of my life times will stay with you.” What mom doesn’t want to hear that? Very sincere and loving. I hope you shared this with her! A few mechanical/spelling errors.

Spelling/Grammar: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 16/20
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Member: Hekate
Title: Too Many Mothers

I really like the idea of this--how the influences of many mothers can affect our own perspective on mothering. It gets slightly bogged down in the middle, but I think you are referring to something your mom was involved in that we as objective readers can’t quite grasp (i.e., did she counsel young mothers or help with adoption/ foster care?) But you don’t necessarily have to expound on this if you intend only to share this with your mom.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Score: 17/20
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Member: winterstorm
Title: I love you, I really do

Ah, saved the darkest for last. Very chilling and yet sad. My only nit is that it seems as though the narrator is committing suicide with “this blood from my wrist,/a dedication, to your wish” but then in the next stanza, she is in her mom’s bedroom “late at night.” The implication is that time has passed, which makes it confusing. Otherwise, I kind of liked that you went a different way with this one.

Spelling/Grammar: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 16/20

[josiehenley]

Congratulations Gary! and everyone else who participated well done on high scores. I think everyone deserves a medal.

Thank you much, judges, for your time and consideration. I feel honored to be chosen above such other talent as was presented this month.

[kittie067]

Congrats Gary!!

Thanks for the constructive critcism!!!

Thanks josie....

[winterstorm]

Congratulations Gary, thank you judges for the comments. Thanks ya'll.

[kal]

Breezy, I think you missed the subtlety of my poem but thanks everyone for this, still great to come back and have feedback now I've sailed on. Do i still get to play in the new competetion cause if there's one thing i knw about, it's sinning.