Valentines Day at the Porn Shop
Well for the past couple of weeks the shop has been busy selling our fresh stock of Valentines Day items. This is our busy time of the year and we got it all.
One of our hot sellers are the chocolates shaped parts of the human anatomy. Chocolate boobs, chocolate muffs, and chocolate dongs sell like pancakes. It's an assortment. We even carry the mini boxes that specialize in either girl parts or guy parts.
Mickey, one of our regulars that dresses like fugitive from a pirate movie, squealed with delight when he wandered in and saw the new stock. He got two boxes of the guy parts and a tee shirt for his "friend" Allen.
"Don't you just love these," he gasped as I rang up his purchase. He was flipping his long blonde and pink dyed hair and adjusting the sleeves on his puffy shirt anxious to get home with his gifts.
"They're everything you could hope for in a milk chocolate," I replied with a smile.
"I know," he sighed. "Allen will love them." Off he flitted swinging his bag as he hurried out the door. I didn't have the heart to tell him his eye shadow clashed with his shirt.
Three girls that had been in the back room purusing the movies came up front and began looking at the cards.
"Oh look," the heavyset blonde said. "It's a pop-up." There it was sticking up out of the card like a sailboat mast while they giggled with delight. The brunette found one that played love making noises. Moaning and groaning and of course squeaky bed springs keeping time in the background. It was a must have. The other brunette decided on coffee mug. Yeah, the traditional one with the boobs sticking out of the side. A real collectors item.
At the counter they each decided some nice massage oil would be just the thing. They're flavored and they heat to touch. Science has come a long way since the early days of Vaseline and Crisco. These girls knew their oils.
The mug buyer asked me if I had a favorite oil. All eyes focused on me and I could tell I was under the gun to make a suggestion. "Valvoline synthetic," I proudly replied mentally making a note it was probably time to have my cars engine oil changed.
"No silly," the blond chirped. "Massage oil, not car oil." Imagine that. The blond understood the joke. Good dye job.
"Raspberry. It has a good scent and it' not too sweet. Semi-dry almost, with a fine bouquet that goes well with fish or meat." They liked that.
Crazy Dan and his girlfriend Wanda came in hand in hand. Dan has the nastiest looking comb over you ever laid eyes on. Makes Trumps look almost acceptable. Wanda is a Dolly Parton look alike right down to the white boots and rhinestones on her fringed blouse. She's had three boob jobs in the past two years. They just keep getting bigger. It was chocolates all the way.
"What do you think?" Wanda asked as she turned around at the counter and stuck her ass out at me. I was flabbergasted. Wanda has a flat ass but now it was as round as a basketball. What could I say as she stood there all proud and happy while Dan gave it a loving pat.
"Ass implants," Dan informed me with a wink and a smile. He was as proud as a new father.
"Looks just great, Wanda." I figured that would suffice but it didn't.
"Give it a squeeze," Dan urged me. Wanda nodded and stood perfectly still as I reached over the counter and squeezed her butt. Felt almost real.
"Money well spent, Dan. Cash or charge for the chocolates. It was charge.
My lesbians were back. Same old glaring looks from the wallet on the chain one. They wanted tee shirts.
"You got a changing room in here?" I stared at Butch like she was speaking a foreign language. A changing room in a porn shop? Do we look like a JC Penneys? You see a lawn and garden section anywhere? Holy cow.
"Not really but you can use the executive washroom behind the counter," I offered. In they went trying on their new tee shirts. While the lovebirds were in the washroom Tall Mike stopped by. He's a midget, hence the nickname, Tall.
"What's up dude? Been busy? Hey, check out the chocolates."
Tall Mike grabbed two boxes and slid them up on the counter. The tee shirt honeys came out and stood behind him. "You girls wanna party?" He asked them without examining the landscape. "I got a hottub on my houseboat and plenty of liquor and smoke. Ever do a midget?"
Butch was glaring down at Tall Mike. He stared right back at her and did the palms up pump in the air while shaking his midget booty. The cute one laughed and started dancing with him. Butch told her to cut the shit.
"Aw, come on baby," Tall Mike whined to Butch. "One night with me and you'll switch sides."
"Here you go Tall Mike." I handed him his bagged chocolates hoping he would leave before him and Butch got into a brawl. He took the bag and winked at the cute one they raced out the door. Butch stopped at the door.
"I'll kill that little bowlegged bastard," Butch exclaimed as she wrapped a calloused paw around the back of her lovers neck. They left arguing. Lovers quarrel no doubt.
The day wore on and the Valentines stock dwindled. Lots of regulars came and went. Seems like a lot of folks were going to get massages for V day. Quite a few coffee drinkers in the lot also. By ten it was time to lock up. I rang out the till and killed the overhead lights.
Reaching under the counter I grabbed the tee shirt and box of select chocolates for my girl. She has a sweet tooth.
Once again the pickup truck skidded to a halt in the parking lot. Out jumped my customer from last Christmas Eve.
"Don't tell me," I said raising my hand to stop him. "You need a Valentines gift for your significant other."
"Man, you are psychic," he grinned. "I'll tip you a ten."
I unlocked the shop and he hurried in. A box of chocolates and a tee shirt and a plastic string of beads. What a sentimental bastard he was.
Off he drove and I headed for the grocery store. I was glad he came in late. I almost forgot the raspberry oil. She's not the only one with a sweet tooth.
"Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy." Fitzgerald