WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Writing Craft > Writing Help & Issues

Writing Help & Issues You name it, we solve it! Ask your questions here.


Help! My plot sucks!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #61  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:47 PM
sparta98's Avatar
sparta98 (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: On this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams...
Posts: 1,250
Thanks: 9
Thanks 37
Default


She remembers that she is an android, and she remembers wanting to kill, but the drive to kill is just gone. All that's really left to dictate her actions is her 'humanity'. I'd compare it to a near death experience because she reprioritized afterwards.

__________________
Black Rose, your thorns are cutting in to me for the last time. Black Rose, I watched your petals wilt away. I couldn't bring you back to life.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:51 PM
Diabo's Avatar
Diabo (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: In your imagination.
Posts: 54
Thanks: 15
Thanks 2
Default

Pretty close for a computer I guess. Seems like that would be an intresting little bit of a story, kind of imagining it on my own right now. Would be really, really kind of strange if that happened in a public area, because I'm mentally seeing someone just standing completly still, not breathing for a minute or so before moving on. XD
__________________
Ɖιǻʙǿ
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:54 PM
sparta98's Avatar
sparta98 (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: On this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams...
Posts: 1,250
Thanks: 9
Thanks 37
Default

I wish I was a robot sometimes. People already say I talk in a monotone. =D
__________________
Black Rose, your thorns are cutting in to me for the last time. Black Rose, I watched your petals wilt away. I couldn't bring you back to life.
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:55 PM
Diabo's Avatar
Diabo (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: In your imagination.
Posts: 54
Thanks: 15
Thanks 2
Default

Domo arigato... Mr. Roboto .
__________________
Ɖιǻʙǿ
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:59 PM
sparta98's Avatar
sparta98 (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: On this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams...
Posts: 1,250
Thanks: 9
Thanks 37
Default

My mind is going... I can feel it... I can feel it... I can feel it...
__________________
Black Rose, your thorns are cutting in to me for the last time. Black Rose, I watched your petals wilt away. I couldn't bring you back to life.
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 12-01-2010, 04:57 PM
JackWriter (Offline)
Typist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 64
Thanks: 2
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

Excuse me I have a problem with my plot.No one seems to like it despite my efforts.Can you tell me what's wrong with it?

I don't know what you mean by this but here is the sample of the story.


Chapter 1:A Ninja’s tail.
The story takes place around a Pagoda in Tokyo where Master Kharn wakes up his drunken student Yeaso Gotchya who dozed off. Kharn’s brother shows up and battles Yeaso just to tease his brother’s way of training his pupils.Kharn delays the match because Yeaso dosed of all of a sudden and Kamil leaves laughing.He wakes up and sneaks from behind and finds out his master crying and scolding himself for tourtring a dumb student.Yeaso then puts his head to shame and leaves.Meanwhile in the Cactus bar
A detective named Max Feujack and his sidekick Alec were assigned to arrest Yeaso for wrecking havoc in the bar.But after waiting for several hours, they fine the owner instead.
Until Yeaso shows up.Max warned Yeaso for his habit towards beer but Yeaso ignores and he instead buys the beer and leaves to their surprise.While leaving he sees a blind man walking by and he asks Yeaso if he knows a karate expert.Yeaso then tells him to go to Kharn because he lives nearby and that he feels that he will be happy to have a student better than him.Happy, the blind man leaves so does Yeaso.After a few days, Yeaso wakes up from the couch and Max fines him for littering.Yeaso escapes from Max’s penalty when he refused to pay the fine.Afterwards Yeaso sees two black ninja like men who were sneaking next to none other than Yeaso’s master’s house.They knocked over the door and they were fighting that blind man whom Yeaso guided.But the blind man easily stopped them.Seeing this, Yeaso cries with hatred and leaves immeadiately.Yeaso then decides to walk over the beach to think of attaractive women for a change when all of a sudden he lands on something and he sees a shield.Thinking it as junk, he throws it like a frisbe and Max sees this and surrounds Yeaso.The two begin to fight which to everyone’s surprise Yeaso defeats Max and his sidekick Alec and runs away with it.

But Max decides to take the junk shield and throw it to the garbage instead.But to his surprise the shield ended up becoming an antique and so Max decides to take it to the museum.Yeaso then decides to go to the bar again but when he gets there he sees an explosion at a building and he sees four powerful shadows knocking down the blind man.Yeaso decides to fight these shadows and to the blind man’s surprise Yeaso defeats all of them.The blind man asks him about how he defeated them regardless of them being shadows.Yeaso does not know about this and he leaves immedieately.The blind man halts him and he thanks him for getting the expert he wanted and for saving his life.Yeaso asks how the master was doing and to his astonisment he tells him that he died a few weeks ago because of a dreadful monster.Because of this, Yeaso decides to help the blind man and he reveals his name as Lequei Graketi.The two of them tell their tales and when the two saw the shield in the museum Lequei tells Yeaso that they must get the shield before the dark hand gets it.But Yeaso tells him that they can’t get it because they won’t give it.So instead they have to steal it.When they arrive to the museum Yeaso sees Max and he and Lequei hid themselves from him.After his dissappearence the two go to the museum and try to get the shield from the lasers, when suddenly the shadows attack forcing them to sound the alarm.After they defeated the shadows, Max arrives with backup and arrests the two men.

Meanwhile the shadows go to a swamp and their master immedieatly kills them.What is only known was that he plans on how to get the shield.

Later in prison, Yeaso and Luquei tried telling Max of their innorcence but he ignores them.Late night when Yeaso was sleeping, Luquei wakes him up trying to persue him to get themselves out but Yeaso keeps mourning about his master’s death.But when Luquei suddenly pushes him out, Yeaso falls outside the cell giving him the chance to escape.But Yeaso first gets the cell key to take Lequei with him as he may help Yeaso.Together they escape and they knock out Max .They then go back to the museum only to find out that the shield is gone.Luquei and Yeaso then go to a inn and this is where Luquei explains the power of the shield.He tells Yeaso that the shield he found is none other than the Morgan circle and that it contains certain powers.But for these powers to be obtained he tells him that the gems of the shield must be obtained which are schattered.The only power that was in the shield is the ability to fight shadows by switching from human to shadow self.This probably explains that Yeaso must have obatined this ability when he slipped at the shield in the beach.So Leq persues Yeaso to share him the ability Yeaso will only give him the share if he won’t share it to anyone else which Leq aggrees.

Meanwhile the monster in the swamp finally has the shield.But he knows about the gems so he orders his men to get the first gem.

Later Yeaso and Leq are in the Cactus bar they have decided to get the gems instead of getting the shield so that the monster won’t be able to fulfill his desires.So Lequei suggests that they should get the first gem.But before they can do that they need to find a scroll known as the Picaro scroll since these scrolls are the only ones that can take them to the sacred temples where the gems are.They soon find out where the scroll is on the treasuary channel where it is found in China at the museum.Luckily for them they have enough money to get the flight but the only problem is they need to set up their passports.But suddenly Max arrives but after he saw Yeaso and Lequei he left immeadieatly thinking that they were just illusions.So once they got their passports they leave to china by ship because for some reason Yeaso is afraid of….planes.But once again they are shocked to see Max again and they quickly lose him.When all of a sudden the ship hits an iceberg and all but Yeaso and Lequei are rescued by Max.Meanwhile Yeaso and Lequei are left stranded but they reach the island on where the Picaro scroll is.
On their way they see the archaeologist in the channel who’s name is Juo.He shows the scroll to the camera man explaining about it when all of a sudden he gets knocked out outcold as well as his cameraman by Yeaso and Leq.The two then use the scroll by drawing the image on the sand thus summoning the temple.They are then interferred by a big shadow and after a firece battle they kill the shadow and head to the temple.

Yeaso and Lequei managed to solve a lot of puzzles in the temple and eventually defeat the guardian of the first scroll Ukuma the wind slayer making them get their first gem.
After coming back to the island they are then surrounded by thousands of shadows with the king(silhoute).They were no match against them and they were soon sent to the dungeon seperately.Yeaso manages to free himself by using his shadow form.He then searches Lequei by hiding himself as a shadow.But before he could do that a stranger talks to Yeaso by using telepathy.it warns Yeaso that the shadows will be able to fight him with his shadow form.After a long search, he finds Lequei trapped.Lequei tells Yeaso not to waste his time saving him because he failed his master.But Yeaso ignores this and he frees him saying that he too had failed his master.He then says a slogon saying “At first things end up being a flop, but then it’ll turn out being a hit.”The two have to reach to the top floor inorder to face the king and get the Morgan circle as well as the first gem.

They are then forced to fight against five guardians known as the fearsome gruesome truesome Shadow Nights.They first encounter Gio who uses telekineses to immobolize Yeaso and Leq.Before they finish him off Gio tries to kill them by using their emotions of their master death.Yeaso was left crying unable to move.But Leq gets outraged and snaps Yeaso out of it and he uses “Jobomba” a move he learnt from Kharn thus defeating the first Night.They then defeat the next Night Keg who uses explosive chi.But Keg creates a destcructing move that almost destroys the swamp but despite this Yeaso and Lequei survive because of the shadow ability they used.Because of this the other three Nights are in a coma meaning that Yeaso and Lequei can straight away face the Shadow lord.

After reaching to the top they finnally face the Shadow lord who reveals himself as Dawdle Dincky.Dincky at first gets mad that the Nights were defeated in less than five minutes thinking if he should fire them or not.Then he is interrupted by Yeaso saying if he’s gonna do what villians always do to which Dincky gets annoyed at some point.Before they fight Dincky tells them that they don’t stand a chance against him.At first he is easily defeated but then he had an idea.He places the first gem in the shield and touches it changing him completely.This gives him the wind power which means that he can sense each and every move Yeaso and Leq use in the fight.But Yeaso and Leq cleverly use their shadow abilities gaining immunity.Outraged Dincky creates a gigantic cyclone which means that all except Dincky are swapped away including the shield with the gem.The shield creates an aura causing the cyclone to stop leaving Dincky victorious but after realising that the shield is gone and that he can’t use the wind power again he gets angry and the anger was strong enough to destroy the remaining of the swamp castle leaving Dincky fainted while the three Nights asked Dincky where were the two challengers.
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 12-01-2010, 04:57 PM
JackWriter (Offline)
Typist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 64
Thanks: 2
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

This is the first half of my story.In future I'm planning to make it an episodic game or a tv cartoon series.

Last edited by JackWriter; 12-01-2010 at 05:02 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 12-04-2010, 08:19 PM
Glass_Pinata's Avatar
Glass_Pinata (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The urban South.
Posts: 645
Thanks: 117
Thanks 71
Default

Originally Posted by HoiLei View Post
Judging by just what you've written here, I see two main problems:

Sharla seems like a Mary Sue. If you're not sure, try this litmus test.

OMG, this is f'ing hilarious!!
(I know it's not supposed to be funny, but it is anyway).

http://www.onlyfiction.net/marysue2.html
__________________
)
..*) .*)
(. (.`Glass Pinata
*
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Writing Craft > Writing Help & Issues


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What does everyone think of this plot for a political action novel agent509 Free Writing 2 12-24-2009 04:16 PM
Silly but Useful Plot Tricks Paige Bruce Tips & Advice 2 05-14-2009 11:39 PM
Developing a Plot The Rubix Horse Writing Help & Issues 5 01-27-2009 09:46 AM
Plot Development Pen Writing Help & Issues 8 07-12-2007 07:54 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:56 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.