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Complex . . .

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Old 04-23-2013, 07:54 AM
gloryia (Offline)
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Default Complex . . .

You look at me with the saddest eyes
You listen hard to my replies
You answer when I call your name
You sleep, you eat, you never complain
I love you, yes I really do
I love to spend my time with you
You brighten up my every day
Iím glad youíre here, here to stay
The only thing that bothers me
Is when you wag your tail so free
I thought it love, but can it be
If you wag for every one you see
I think Iím beginning to recognise
That sad, sad look is your disguise
I donít know you, no not at all
Iím just a sentimental fool
As each day you teach me
How complex a dog like you can be.

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Old 04-23-2013, 03:10 PM
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Very nice! At first, I hated that you left off the meter in the final two lines... but I then saw that it works with what you say there. How can such complexity and depth, the depth of the Other (even if it's a dog) be trapped into a plodding rhythm.

Not that the rhythm plodded, mind you, it worked well. Just that, I think it's brilliant to leave the point undersold, to let the departure from the meter be your emphasis of the point.

It also reminds me of an old poem of mine which I'll post soon.

I saw no God, nor heard any, in a finite organical perception; but my senses discover'd the infinite in every thing ... I cared not for consequences but wrote." ~William Blake

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Old 04-23-2013, 03:33 PM
KBR (Offline)
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Agree with Firehill!
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:21 AM
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You answer when I call your name
You sleep, you eat, you never complain
I'd suggest replacing 'never' with 'don't' for flow.

Other than that, this was a very nice read. Nice imagery, nice feel, which is what I look for in a poem, generally
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