Dr. Dodge Writes Five Ways To Ditch Your Date
You can read thousand of articles in magazines and online on how to smooth talk women out on a date with you. You know there are all these Dr. Love articles and cheap copy off of Will Smiths movie HITCH (or maybe its the other way around). Unfortunately, you can't seem to find the articles about what you should do if you find that your date is... well lets just say you'll never ask a person out when your that drunk again. It is these cases, in which you need to seek professional advice. Through my careful research and years of experience *cough cough.... I write this to guide you on five ways you can well... shall we say ditch the bitch, leave em hanging, take stage left, give em the slip, get the hell out of there or else you won't make it out alive. You know, to just give a harmless little unannounced leave of absence.
1) The gas station
So your driving with this girl, and lets just say your driving out to the mountain look out, but instead of driving to the lookout to have a romantic night, your planning to drive your car off the lookout and hope you don’t survive. STOP, this is an unnecessary action and a waste of a perfectly good car. Instead drive to the gas station, and pretend you need to fill up. Tell the girl that you could use a late night burrito. Give her some money, if you had any self-decency, you would give her some extra money so she can phone home and tell her parents how you ditched her and her father can just sigh and say “yep, I told you, the guys an asshole”. While she is in the store, just floor it, and go. But the next day, I would leave town, maybe even change your name.
2) The old switcheroo
Now everybody has the shallow friend, you know the person who will do anything just short of a hole in a couch (you know, THAT friend). Well I say, you can use this friend to your advantage. Lets say you just you came back from a Movie and this girl will not stop talking about how she wants to go to your place and “chill”, and in this case you are not in the mood to “chill” but she is in your car and you can’t say that your “abstinent” because come on lets face it, we all know that if anything, you are just short of your shallow friend. Well you are going to take the girl to a house, but this of course is your friends’ house. Play it cool, try not to act like this is the worst thing you have ever done in your life and that you are a god-awful person. So take your date to your friend’s house, make sure you don’t turn on the light. Then quietly leave out the window, and leave the girl for your friend to entertain. I know this sounds immoral, but in fact, you just helped out your friend and the girl. And most likely they will end up getting married.
3) Chocolate on a stick
Tie a Hershey Kiss on to a string attached to a stick, and then attach the stick to the girl, just so the chocolate is out of her reach. You would be surprised, girls can last forever chasing after the chocolate, last time I did this nobody ever saw the girl again. I wonder where she went?
Be a man, take the girl to a restaurant (make sure you tell the waiter to hold the steak knives) and clearly tell the girl your situation. “Look I was drunk last night, and I was very confused. You looked a lot better after a couple shots of vodka.” And then just simply stand up and walk out. But honestly, you better be a great runner and can dodge projectiles at the same time.
5) If you can pull this off, you are truly a total jerk
This is going to be a hard one to pull off; many do not have the stomach for this. Unfortunately, you are going to have to ask the girl to marry you, I know this sounds totally the opposite of what this article is about, but I can tell you, proposing is generally the best escape route. What you need to do is go to a stadium game, and invite your friends. Have your friends make up a huge sign “Will you marry me”. Also make sure that the girl has her friends at the stadium. When one of the teams scores, have your friends hold up the sign and show it to the girl.
Now at this point two things can happen, hopefully the girl will just say no and you can leave (pretend you are sad, make her feel a little guilty). Otherwise, the girl will say yes. But often she will go to her friends and totally forget you and only be paying attention to her newly created situation. Maybe you can even throw in a ring that you found at a gumball machine. While the girl is talking to your friends, just walk up and leave. She won’t even realize that you just left.
In conclusion you have just learned five ways to be a asshole. But you know, generally, treat the women with respect. Your first problem was going to the bar and getting drunk, and then meeting women. Well, instead of doing that you should meet a girl at a quite bar or a café. Something where you can get to know the girl a little better before taking her out. This is where you are going to find the girls that you know you will enjoy and have a good time with. And be good to them, treat them with dignity and show them that you care and that you are glad that they chose to hang out with you. Try to look for a girl who is just chill, and she will be the best girlfriend you will have ever met.
And come on lets be honest, that girl has already planned five ways to ditch you.