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Momma Knows 400 words Non-fiction

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Old 03-09-2008, 02:41 PM
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Default Momma Knows 400 words Non-fiction


I'm practicing writing short articles. Any suggestions would be appreciated and accepted.

Winter hangs in with only hints of spring. Yesterday was seventy degrees but a foot of snow has fallen during the night and ice coats the thermometer at sunrise. So my horse complains, slowly at first but her whining is gaining momentum.


I left the warmth of the house early this morning. The trail I spent an afternoon clearing is covered again, so I break a new path to the barn where she waits, not quietly. She has heard the cabin door open and close from a quarter mile and has launched her complaints. She’s an ancient horse, a mare nearly old enough to have carried Teddy Roosevelt up San Juan Hill. She’s spent most of her life working the range, Spanish broke, meaning no one pampered her. When still a filly, a vaquero threw a lariat over her head, tired her legs and dropped her to the ground. No time to sweet talk, just work to do. Long icicles hang off her hindquarters.


She’s been with me so long, I can understand her whinnies. My mare wants to move to Florida. She would like me to buy her a bus ticket today, if not sooner. That’s what she says. I sympathize but explain once again, “You’re a mountain horse, Momma. You don’t belong on the beach.” She doesn’t agree and complains even louder, unhappy with her place in life, and now with me.


On the day we met, I named her ‘Emergency Room’, ‘ER’ for short. In the beginning, we were not friends, not close anyway. I bought her from a distant ranch and rode her twenty miles to home, across streams and bridges, along a fast running river. A long trip can make friends or enemies. As her previous owner counted his money, he grinned and mentioned, almost as an after-thought, “She’s not real good crossing water and hates bridges.” So I whispered in her ear on the way, trying to convince her the future would be brighter. I asked her not to send me to the emergency room, she didn’t and I was grateful.


Her name changed when I discovered her in foal. One morning before anyone awoke, she gave birth to a raunchy little colt. From that day on, I called her Momma. Her son stands close by now listening to his mother argue about Florida but he's more interested in the sweet feed I’m pouring into the buckets. He’s content with his place in life because he’s young and doesn’t know better.


But Momma and I know.


Last edited by adrianhayter; 03-11-2008 at 09:27 AM.. Reason: correction
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Old 03-09-2008, 04:32 PM
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needs a good proofread to catch/fix the many goofs, adrian... things like 'ice sickles' for 'icicles' and 'fold' for 'foal' and using a semicolon after 'long' when a comma is called for, etc. ... and the mix of present and past tenses could be confusing to some, though i think i like it here... also, why don't you give her name after the 'change'?... and why did finding her in foal make the change necessary?...

how is this an article and not a short story?...

as usual, though, you have a knack for putting across the ordinary in delightfully un-ordinary ways... this needs work and i'm not sure it's an 'article' but it can be a sweet little piece, whether article or story, with a good proofread and edit...

love and hugs, maia
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Old 03-09-2008, 04:49 PM
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how is this an article and not a short story?...
Thanks for the proof read Mamma

I'm just trying different approaches, experimenting with short quick reads that might find a more mainstream market . What do I know?

I appreciate you reading.

I'm probably going to be forced to leave this forum-I'll miss you but the server and I don't get along. It takes ten minutes to get inside sometimes-really frustrating.

I kept thinking it was on my end but I don't have the same problem elsewhere, so...

Thanks again
Adrian
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Old 03-09-2008, 05:39 PM
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It would be a same to see you and your work leave these shores. (Sorry, the pirate in my believes WB to be an island.)

I loved this, all it needs is a thorough proof read as maia said.

It was charming and beautiful.

Thank you for posting it.
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:09 PM
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I agree with Kal -- charming story. I particularly liked the part about the quarter horse wanting a bus ticket to Florida. Cute.
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:18 PM
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gosh, i hope you can solve the site problem, a!... wouldn't be the same without ya...

hugs, m
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Old 03-15-2008, 09:28 AM
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I do recommend a short story that Ted Hughes wrote The Rain Horse. It has masses of atmosphere. You may be able to down-load the story on-line or find it in the library. You clearly have a feel for horses.
Pity you are on the move.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:48 PM
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I thought it was delightful and anyone can edit-not everyone can write-don't go. I'm new here and I am fair speller and not bad at grammar but my typing stinks often leaving me seeming like an idiot!
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Old 09-16-2008, 12:51 PM
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I loved this. I like your writing style and the descriptions with the weather really pulled me in right away. I'm thinking it's more like short short fiction and not an article, however. Whatever it was, it was readable and it left me wanting more. More about the horses, the owner, and the setting. Nice.
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