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It's nature, not nurture! (tongue in cheek look at sex differences)

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Old 04-28-2013, 07:14 AM
Agatha Christie (Offline)
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Default It's nature, not nurture! (tongue in cheek look at sex differences)


IT'S NATURE, NOT NURTURE! (An observational study)

Psychologists have long argued the case for either nurture or nature. Is our behaviour inborn or is it learnt through contact with our environment? After an observational study of my two grandchildren, a boy and girl, I have discovered important new genes which point towards nature. The joy of young children is that, for good or evil, they do what comes naturally and are therefore excellent subjects for observation.
Although traces of these male and female genes may exist in both sexes in younger years they become firmly entrenched in one sex or the other as time progresses.
First I will discuss the male genes.

1.THE TINKERING GENE (sometimes known as DIY )

At six months old, my grandson was entranced by ceiling lights and light switches. At 18 months old, this propensity developed markedly. His first task at playgroup was always to examine the lighting system. Where were the ceiling lights? Where were the light switches and was there any visible wiring connecting the two? Only after this had been established was he lured by the bouncy castle.
I immediately recognised this as the TINKERING GENE, (sometimes known as DIY.)
It can lay dormant for many years until, eventually, it manifests itself on Sundays and Easter.
There are numerous variants ranging from 'common screws and shelves' through to the more advanced, 'under the car bonnet' and, eventually, to the most sophisticated 'let's build an aeroplane' variant.
In some men the gene has mutated to the outdoor environment. Instead of drilling holes in the wall they digs holes in the ground and tinker with outdoor tools and chemicals. Society calls this gardening. The TINKERING GENE is especially interesting, as it not only appears of its own accord on the allotted days, but can be easily stimulated at any time, by specific environmental factors.
Ask any male to wash the dishes, whilst he is idle, and immediately the TINKERING GENE will be stimulated. He is compelled to put up shelves, program the computer, repair the lawnmower or build an aeroplane until the danger has passed. In cases like this, the TINKERING GENE automatically acts as a self-protection agent. In order to develop properly, the TINKERING GENE, must be allowed to operate without disturbance.
Evidence for this conclusion comes from my grandson, aged six. He is quite unable to put on his own socks and shoes, despite the fact that he can read, write, compute and play football. While others undertake the basic, boring chore of getting him dressed, he carries on tinkering with his X-box. In later life others (females) attend to the basic, boring chores so that the maleTINKERING GENE is allowed to develop unfettered.

2. MINE IS BIGGER THAN YOURS GENE
This begins in the very early years when the little male tot declares: 'My tower of wooden blocks is bigger than yours!' Eventually it develops into the more commonly known variants: my house is bigger than yours; my car is bigger than yours; my bonus is bigger than yours; my office is bigger than yours....and one or two others as well!

3. THE DEAF HUSBAND GENE
Although this gene manifests itself, in its fully blown state, after a matrimonial ceremony has taken place, it can be observed quite clearly even in very young boys. The hallmark of this gene is that the deafness is selective. It is not an objective state. No amount tests or scans will detect the DEAF HUSBAND GENE. A hearing aid will not help either. My evidence for this comes from an encounter with my grandson, aged six.
Heavily involved in a computer game, I asked him if he would like a sandwich. There was no reply. I waved my hand in front of his face and asked again. Still no reply. He clearly had not heard me. I retreated to the kitchen and retrieved a packet of biscuits. The paper crackled slightly. Suddenly there was a voice: 'Nanny can I have a biscuit.' 'Although the DEAF HUSBAND GENE may be detected in both sexes in earlier years, it quickly shrinks and disappears in the female while multiplying in the male of the species.

4. QUICK BUCK GENE
Why is it that gambling dens are largely inhabited by men? Inside the male psyche, there is the innate compulsion to make a quick buck. The evidence comes from my six year old grandson. Still not dry at nights, he was offered 50 if he could control himself every night for one month. The deal was struck and at the end of the month he collected 50. At age six, the gamble was instinctive and this instinctive gene continues to develop. Just look at the City of London and the bankers as well as the bookies and the racetracks, overrun with men looking for a quick buck. I wonder how many of them started out like my grandson, making a quick buck out of bladder control?

But it's not just the male species who have unexpected genes. My grand daughter aged five has also been a revelation. I have discovered the following genes

1.I CAN TALK FOR ENGLAND GENE
When my grand daughter was born, all she said for 18 months was GAH. We were both worried and intrigued as she understood everything that was said. Five years later, it is now clear that she was compiling a dictionary, chattering to herself or planning what to say as soon as she could talk.
Everything she does is now described in great detail and she has an answer for any question you may ask. Her early planning has paid off. She can talk without stopping for breath. She does not have to use her brain in order to have a response. The I CAN TALK FOR ENGLAND GENE operates from birth. During long silences the gene does not stop working.
The I CAN TALK FOR ENGLAND GENE enables females to converse on automatic, with only a minimal amount of brain function. It also ensures that the female need never stop talking. While silent, she can either chatter to herself or rehearse what to say next.

2. GIRLS MUST HAVE MORE SHOES GENE.
This was an unexpected discovery as I always imagined the desire for more shoes developed along with more income. Not so. It is innate.

My five year old grand daughter, who has no income, lined up nine pairs of shoes to show me. There was a mixture of fairy princess glass slippers, furry boots, outdoor shoes, sparkly trainers and more. She explained the features of each in detail and told me which were her favourites and why. As if this was not enough, she then decided to wear her mother's shoes. Nine pairs were not sufficient.
In some cases, this gene can multiply and get out of control. This is already happening with my granddaughter. The control for this study was her six year old brother who has three pairs of shoes which he keeps in a cupboard and never talks about. It follows that The GIRLS MUST HAVE MORE SHOES GENE, is confined to the female sex even from a very early age.

I hope that my research and these discoveries add substantially to the pool of knowledge about the human race.


Last edited by Agatha Christie; 05-11-2013 at 05:37 AM.. Reason: updates
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:47 PM
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Very funny. Kept me reading, I very much enjoyed it. One thing--
1.I CAN TALK FOR ENGLAND GENE
2.GIRLS MUST HAVE MORE SHOES GENE
You have these both listed in the same spot, though only one is explained and the second is mentioned the next paragraph. I would either delete the second listing, or list them both, drop down a paragraph, and restate and explain the first.
Well written.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:01 AM
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A bit hard to read, but I toughed it out.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:18 AM
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Okay, I had to dig around for this. I rarely visit the non-fiction section but since this is the only piece of writing I could find of yours, it's the one that got read.

And it reads okay, mostly, though I didn't finish it. Reads like a tongue-in-cheek article about the differences between the sexes, and includes all the usual cliches. Which was why I didn't finish it.

Nice tone and well written though.

But, I pretty much blow all your cliches out the water just by being myself - a female who has two pairs of practical shoes for working and one tidy pair for special occasions, who hates shopping, does all the heavy manual labour around my place, loves to get my hands dirty in car engines and yet, give me an instruction manual and a gizmo and I'll have it figured out in no time.

People are as individual and unpredictable as the Scottish weather, so nope, it's not useful information about the human race.

Make it more tongue-in-cheek and exaggerate the cliches to the point of satire and this will work better. Right now, it comes across like you're trying to preach rather than joke.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:29 AM
Agatha Christie (Offline)
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Hi.
I am shocked that my tongue in cheek piece sounds like I am trying to impart genuine knowledge to readers such as yourself.
I played on the stereotypes, exaggerating wherever I could.

I wanted to put this in fiction, but was advised it should go in non-fiction!!

The child observations are indeed accurate but everything else is sheer satire!

I had hoped that women might give a wry smile at the men's 'genes' and the men might give a slight grin at the women's.

Your comments are indeed interesting.

I have posted quite a bit in fiction.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:56 AM
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Post it in fiction. If thats where you're happiest putting it, ignore what others say. It's not non-fiction anyway, since it's tongue in cheek, so never mind them.

And yeah, I was distracted reading it so my reactions were a mix of surprise at thinking you were being serious and stupidity for not paying proper attention to the title, even though I read it. sorry about that.

Feel free to ignore everything I said in my last post.

P.S. If you've posted quite a bit in fiction, it's not in the first three pages so it must be pretty old by now. If you want feedback on any of those pieces, could you pop links to them somewhere I can find them easily? In here or in your Feedback thread. There's no other way to find people's thread listings, I'm afraid. A bugbear of mine but one the staff wont change, for their own reasons.
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:00 AM
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Thanks for that. My 'real' fiction is probably three or four or five pages on by now. Only posted a few days ago but they seem to disappear from view quite quickly.

Regards. Julie
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:09 PM
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C&H - you can find a list of previous postings but first you have to locate the column asking if you want to view the statistics.
The hunt starts with double clicking on the member's pen name.
Incidentally any post to an old thread will bring it to the front of the threads listing.
But ask a mod to show you - I am useless in giving instructions as to how to work a computer - especially if I am working under Windows 8
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