Originally Posted by DarkLeon
suddenly I'm a bad guy? I came here because I'm an inexperienced writer who needs help, like the most of the people who come here. I apologize if you took something the wrong way but don't go accusing me of being this show-boater
You're not a bad guy, but you should pay attention to tone, or what people hear as tone, online. You asked if the dialog was good, and if not, how would someone else write it. When I answered both questions, with examples, you responded that my tense and person were wrong because that's not how you're writing the story. So? You can still try out my tips about beats and description in your own writing. You could say thanks for the time I spent, even if you don't plan on using the tips.
I am willing to believe you meant no rudeness, and I'm not offended. In future, though, bear in mind that no-one can hear how you mean things online; you have to write it out. If you don't want to be thought rude, you must actually be
polite. And I give that tip with the best of wishes.