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I would like to ask a few things regarding SFX, Flashbacks, Etc.

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  #61  
Old 02-28-2010, 09:53 AM
DarkLeon (Offline)
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as i mentioned before, I'm writing this in FP, PRES tense.

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  #62  
Old 03-01-2010, 08:34 AM
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My examples were not in first person present tense because I'm not writing it. The example are chiefly to show how beats and description can convey more than "haha's" and dialogue alone. If you want to try it out, you can put it in the person and tense (not to mention mood and feeling) that you want.
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  #63  
Old 03-01-2010, 08:59 AM
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Or not. *Christ, that's the second suggestion that got rudely rejected because this guy can't seem to think for himself.

A word, if you will: *signing up on a forum is not quite the same as hiring underlings to do what you need at your whim.

Frankly, my assumption from the first is that if you can't figure this shit out you've got no business writing in the first place. *But I tried to help you, as did HoiLei. * Try to keep a perspective.
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  #64  
Old 03-01-2010, 04:16 PM
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suddenly I'm a bad guy? I came here because I'm an inexperienced writer who needs help, like the most of the people who come here. I apologize if you took something the wrong way but don't go accusing me of being this show-boater
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:41 PM
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Sorry. *Not saying you're a bad guy or showboater, just that in asking for help, one generally tries to be as helpful and gracious as possible.
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by DarkLeon View Post
suddenly I'm a bad guy? I came here because I'm an inexperienced writer who needs help, like the most of the people who come here. I apologize if you took something the wrong way but don't go accusing me of being this show-boater
You're not a bad guy, but you should pay attention to tone, or what people hear as tone, online. You asked if the dialog was good, and if not, how would someone else write it. When I answered both questions, with examples, you responded that my tense and person were wrong because that's not how you're writing the story. So? You can still try out my tips about beats and description in your own writing. You could say thanks for the time I spent, even if you don't plan on using the tips.

I am willing to believe you meant no rudeness, and I'm not offended. In future, though, bear in mind that no-one can hear how you mean things online; you have to write it out. If you don't want to be thought rude, you must actually be polite. And I give that tip with the best of wishes.
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