WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing

Free Writing Plot bunnies, random musings, etc. No one-liners.


Dear Joker,

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08-26-2009, 02:50 PM
Shay's Avatar
Shay (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,654
Thanks: 31
Thanks 15
Default Dear Joker,


My first writing post! I wasn't quite sure where to put this piece though... I just took a guess and landed here. Let me know what you think, I'm open to all opinions; positive and negative.

Hey joker, yeah you. Listen here, I’ve a word or two for you. It’s buried deep in my soul.

Hey joker, what is this life? Do you have a definition for me? Don’t toss me a dictionary, what are you thinking? Words of sequence and order, your mind is chaos and disorder. Rhyme and reason were never your strong points. Joker, joker, grant me a wish, will you? Master of unraveled yarn and insanity, grant me a precious wish. Define right and wrong. Give me something new, with a hint of old. Throw me something dangerous enough to send chills up and down my spine.

Hey joker, tell me a secret, tell me what your true desire is. Tell me dear joker, tell me. Is it buried deep in your soul? Or is it in your sick twisted old mind? Maybe in a new mind? Eyes twisted and hanging, they’re hanging on to the last shred of sanity they may have known. Maybe just maybe everything will be ok. What do you want dear joker?

Hey joker, want to tell me what I want? Where is my peace of mind among your forever going and crazy ideas? Is there room? Is there room for extremes? Is it love? Is it something more? A dog and a cat will fight like a hail storm. Do you see what I see? Feel what I feel? I’ve scars, you’ve scars. It hurts to smile dear joker, master of crazed laughter.

Hey joker, my mind is in pieces. Shattered. Thank you. All my logic has been proven wrong. Where do I go from here?

P.S. dear joker, I love this roller coaster ride. Is it new or old?

__________________
Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay. - JoJo, Across the Universe
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-01-2009, 08:43 PM
Slick-Jimmy's Avatar
Slick-Jimmy (Offline)
Legend
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Utah, Baby!!!
Posts: 8,801
Thanks: 75
Thanks 134
Default

Okay, Shay... You give a lil', and I give back.

So this sound a little like free flow poetry in prose. I'm not sure what you're getting at here, lass. It's interesting. I take it that The Joker is a metaphor for Fate or something, or or is it allegorical of life as a game of chance, and the jester is always wild?

Bitter much? Or do you like the masochism? I think you do, you reveling wallower in nihilism...

I'm not going to worry about SPaG. I'll let somebody else tackle that.

You write very nicely. Your voice is very clear. What you are saying isn't, but it has style. There are a couple of redundant spots, but maybe that was intended. This could have been posted in the poetry section.

Break it up a bit and... Well, do what you want. love. You're sexy whatever you do.

Stay Cool, Roll Solid, And Write Hard!!!

Slick Jimmy Has Left The Building...
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by Slick-Jimmy; 09-01-2009 at 08:46 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Slick-Jimmy For This Useful Post:
Shay (09-02-2009)
  #3  
Old 09-02-2009, 10:56 AM
Shay's Avatar
Shay (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,654
Thanks: 31
Thanks 15
Default

Thanks Jimmy. I haven't decided what to do with this yet, but we'll see what happens.
__________________
Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay. - JoJo, Across the Universe
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-17-2009, 04:14 PM
Tau's Avatar
Tau (Offline)
Solemn Simulacrum
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Unknown, possibly nowhere.
Posts: 8,830
Thanks: 497
Thanks 682
Default

This reads very like SoC to me.

That’s said you get a strong voice across, though with this aimless monologue it is hard to tell why or what the voice is such. I think you need a point in there, something to drive the voice to give it more then shades of personality.

It was a interesting read, thank you.

By the way, while this has a very poetic ring to it I am not sure if it would fit all the well in poetry in its current form, here is probably the right place.
__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tau For This Useful Post:
Shay (09-17-2009)
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Challenge #32: Dear Mr Potter Q Wands Prompts & Challenges 18 09-03-2009 09:08 PM
The Doubt of Reason (The Joker and The Queen) faiz0802 Poetry 3 08-02-2009 03:31 PM
Challenge #32 - Dear Mr. Gandalf, Why are Wizard Hats so Pointy? (original challenge) Devon Past Prompts and Challenges 0 07-15-2009 02:19 AM
The TREE (The rest of chapter 1, and meet dear old dad) mhkmelvin Fiction 2 06-07-2009 04:13 PM
Dear Bombay thickwig Poetry 2 11-29-2008 02:15 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:08 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.