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Contest Results | Poetry | Famous First Lines (August 2006)

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Old 09-02-2006, 06:27 PM
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Default Contest Results | Poetry | Famous First Lines (August 2006)


The poetry results are in and we have a new champ! Thanks to all participants for submitting your works - this was a very enjoyable contest to judge.



Final Order of Finish:
Rob - 17.83
Gary - 17.66
xfacktor - 16.66
BleedinHeart - 15.5
lucyj - 14.33
Wisp - 13.83
jbcyrus - 13.166
ronoxQ - 13
sketch chic - 13
Brittany - 13
uvachick - 11.33




Originally Posted by Oasis Writer's Scores
Member: xfactor
Title: Reborn

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 16/20

Comments: Very nicely done. I love the imagery in this one of the mother. Very deep, nicely written, nothing I could really pick and pry out of this one. Good work.

***

Member: Wisp
Title: A Broken Harmony

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 14.5/20

Comments: The flow was a little iffy with me on this one. The style was okay, and the voice was heard but for me, it wasnít as strong as it could have been, which was a turn off.

***

Member: jbcyrus
Title: May 30th

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 12.5/20

Comments: I liked the flow of this one, but the way it moved, I got to the end, the flow was just clicking for me. Really helpful for your intangibles. However, just the voice and tone, the words of what I was reading didnít spike me in love with it. It was more average, something I could predict and however your style, etc. was good, it just didnít spark me into something.

***

Member: ronoxQ
Title: Burning- Haiku

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

Score: 14/20

Comments: Not bad. I like haikus, so seeing one in this contest was pretty cool. The style is correct, nothing to bash to hard on. I liked the subject of how it was set, but as for anything, it felt like just anger written in a few sentences. Not always bad, but not something that really feltÖhmmÖjust didnít really click. The imagery and tone were what didnít tag me.

***

Member: sketch_chic85
Title: Moments Fade

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 15/20

Comments: I loved how you worded this. Your voice and image were strong in my opinion and very nicely done.

***

Member: lucyj
Title: Remember, rememberÖ

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

Score: 13/20

Comments: The flow was iffy and jumpy on me, your voice heard but not as strong as you could have made it. It felt like I was being told what was going on more then living it, feeling it, actually being there. Wasnít as strong as I would have hoped.

***

Member: gary_wagner
Title: The Pleasure Was All Ours

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Score: 18/20

Comments: Above and beyond! Very nicely done, I enjoyed this a lot. Very descriptive, your tone and imagery very strong for something like this and ultimately surprising. Something that played on me a little was that it felt like a story more than a poem. Sometimes thatís good, sometimes it gets to you and turns it away. This was a split but it was hard to want to dock points for that because it was very nicely done.

***

Member: Brittany
Title: Pleasure In Putting An End To Old Love

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Score: 13/20

Comments: The rhymes were a little predictable and the clichť appeal sort of played with the score a little bit. Nothing too bad, but not something that turned me too deeply. I apologize.

***

Member: uvachick
Title: A Pleasure

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Score: 12/20

Comments: I gotta say, this one was a little confusing to me. It felt like you were jumping around, which made me feel less inclined to this poem. It flowed relatively easy and wasnít too bad, just needs something more to hold it down.

***

Member: BleedinHeart
Title: Lament for Clarisse

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

Score: 15.5/20

Comments: Very nicely done. I liked this one, more or less because it really did click in my mind how it was going and it helped me get the imagery behind it. Good work.

***

Member: Rob
Title: A Meeting of Lips

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 17/20

Comments: Amazing, I must say. This one was very stellar. I loved it. Enough said.
Originally Posted by Kalibantre's Scores
Member: Xfacktor
Title: Reborn

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 18/20

Comments: Wow, even ďneíerĒ didnít make me bat an eye lid. It worked, or rather since it didnít emphasise much it wasnít intrusive. I love the tone of this piece, the quietness of it. I simply loved this, so simple so elegant, and so touching.


Member: Wisp
Title: A Broken Harmony

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 14/20

Comments: I liked this sweet and tragic love poem. The imagery was rather beautiful and very real. You explored them well. Great job wisp.


Member: jbcyrus
Title: May 30th

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 16/20

Comments: Well this was certainly different. But I really enjoyed it, the tone was sublime, cutting and stark but with a hint of care and warmth. I wasnít always sure what you were referring too but that may have just been a difference in lifestyle, being British can ruin some great poems. I like that you kept some lines long too, didnít cut them off at commas like many poets do, you let the pauses remain but so did the lines.


Member: ronoxQ
Title: Burning Ė Haiku


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Score: 13/20


Comments: I thought that the style you chose, while brave detracted from your meaning. Haikus have to be very well written with a lot of time taken over them to avoid seeming disjointed. The styles line breaks are hard to work with and I donít think it worked to your adantage.


Member: sketch_chic85
Title: moments fade

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Score: 11/20

Comments: I just didnít feel anything from this piece. Maybe because it was a telling piece rather than showing one, itís much harder to evoke emotion that way, unless the poem is written for someone in particular in which case that person will feel what you want them to.


Member: Lucyj
Title: Remember, remember

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 13/20

Comments: I really liked what you were trying to achieve and you hit upon wonderful imagery with ďInto the Guy Fawkes sky,Ē but the rest of the piece was not up to this, and maybe it didnít need or mean to be but I think if you applied this imagery throughout the work it would be much stronger and emotive. I also liked the slight twist.



Member: gary wagner
Title: the pleasure was all ours

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Score: 18/20

Comments: Very on the narrative/prose side of poetry but I loved it all the same. There was little obvious emotion but that didnít matter and had it been it may have detracted from the piece. What a different take on the contest, but wonderful. Iíd like to see this in short story form if you ever get the time or inclination.



Member: Brittany
Title: Pleasure In Putting An End To Old Love

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 14/20

Comments: Wow, when I started reading this I didnít like the rhyme scheme, but on second reading and by the end I thought it was great. I think this would be a great piece to read a loud, you could really emphasise the structure by vocalising it. Cheer Brittany, I didnít think I could like something like that.



Member: uvachick
Title: a pleasure

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Score: 12/20

Comments: The repetition was a little strange, didnít really add or take anything away from the piece. The capitalisation was a little distracting, although I did enjoy the last stanza.



Member: BleedinHeart
Title: Lament for Clarisse

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Score: 14/20

Comments: I know itís poetry but where was the capitalisation and punctuation? I liked this though Iím not sure whyÖ oh and you did put in an exclamation mark, so I know those keys were working



Member: Rob
Title: A meeting of Lips

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Score: 18/20

Comments: That was simply wonderful. I loved it, so quaint and charming. Rob, you have a gift for rhymes that is for sure.
Originally Posted by Icarus' Scores
Title: Reborn
Member: xfacktor

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

16/20

This is very nice and well-written. The sentiment is sweet and I really have nothing to complain about. But, and I have no idea why, this didnít do much for me - my emotions didnít rise, my feelings werenít engaged.



Title: A Broken Harmony
Member: Wisp

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

13/20

There was nothing here to really pull me in Ė this telling could fit any story. The abruptness of the last line really disrupted me. Try adding some details to make this more unique. I do like the idea of harmony and music that you extended through the piece.



Title: May 30th
Member: jbcyrus

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

11/20

Many grammatical mistakes and a lack of coherence make it hard for me to appreciate anything in this. To me, the prompt line is seemingly unconnected, as though thrown in because you had to. I liked the first line but I didnít know how to follow it from there.



Title: Burning- Haiku
Member: ronoxQ

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

12/20

For some reason, the voice I read this with was that of a stoned junkie, which made me laugh, but I donít think that was you intent. An interesting first stanza, but nothing really worked for me after that. Try expanding this and see what you come up with.



Title: Moments fade
Member: sketch chic

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

13/20

My pet peeve in poetry is the use of partial punctuation Ė all or none, I say. Also, some lines felt a little off, rhythmically. But I do like the sense of mystery you created. I wanted to know more but I didnít get anything.



Title: Remember, remember...
Member: lucyj

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

17/20

I like the way you portrayed the futility of these actions. Some great lines, especially the Guy Fawkes one. The only thing that bothered me was the seeming discontinuity between the title and what your narrator is saying.



Title: The Pleasure Was All Ours
Member: gary wagner

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

17/20

Some stanzas seemed like prose, while others seemed like poetry. I would have liked to see less mixing Ė I think it would have had a greater impact on me that way. A good story, but also a bit predictable. I was expecting a surprise ending and didnít get it.



Title: "Pleasure In Putting An End To Old Love"
Member: Brittany

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

12/20

I think there is something good here, but itís hard to find amid the rhyme scheme thatís too tight and the half lines that only served to interrupt the flow with excessive repetition. You may want to try this as free verse.



Title: A Pleasure
Member: uvachick

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

10/20

The second stanza makes little sense Ė how can you burn memories out windows? In fact, this was all a little beyond me. Try expanding this and giving me some details so I can connect to something.



Title: Lament for Clarisse
Member: BleedinHeart

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

17/20

To be honest, this kind of went over my head. But there were enough nice images and good word choices to keep me interested and thoughtful. The best part was the last two lines. Ė great image with so many connotations and interpretations to go with it. Good enough to make me ignore the lack of punctuation.



Title: A Meeting Of Lips
Member: Rob

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

18.5/20

Very nice! Fun and cute. Great rhyming, maybe a touch off with the meter in a couple lines, but perfect for reading out loud. It really rolls off the tongue well and I always like a poem thatís just plain fun.


Thanks again and we hope to see you next time around!

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Last edited by kalibantre; 09-03-2006 at 08:03 AM..
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  #2  
Old 09-03-2006, 01:43 AM
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Many thanks to the judges for their time and effort, and to everyone who entered. It was fun taking part.

Cheers,
Rob
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Old 09-03-2006, 06:47 AM
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Great job everyone, and to you Rob!
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Old 09-03-2006, 08:21 AM
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Congratulations, Rob. Thank you judges for your careful reviews and judging.
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Old 09-04-2006, 12:09 AM
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Well done Rob, and everyone else! Thanks for the comments.
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