I really don't know about this dialogue...
This is a piece of dialogue from about the midpoint of my novel and I really don't know what to do with it. It is necesary to the plot but I also feel like it is a bit confusing.
I have editied out most of the POV stuff because the POV-charcater goes on a bit of a mind-tangent that isn't really relevant here.
As this is from the middle, here is some context:
So, all of these guys are soldiers in a kind of medieval-fantasy war. Gale is the leader of a small team and Dahlman is his "boss". Gale's team is stationed a few miles from basecamp (where this is taking place). Gilthinder and Stonefeld are just the two guys, that Gale has brought with him. Also, it is known, that Haymond is a captian, stationed at another place in the valley.
Alright, that should be all you have to know so here goes:
"Ah, Blackwood," Dahlman said and stood up from his desk. He looked over Gale's shoulder at Gilthinder and Stonefeld, "I'd like to talk with you in private," he said, his tone shifting slightly. Gale turned to look at them both too, then looked back at Dahlman.
"Let them stay, they're mine." Gale finally said. Dahlman hesitated, his eyes resting on Stonefeld for a second, then nodded slightly.
"Have a seat," he begann.
Gale didn't move.
"Why?" he asked dryly.
"Just sit down," Dahlman was getting visibly uncomfortable.
Gale still didn't move an inch.
"I just... just think it would be better if you-"
"Where did they find him?" Gale interupted. Dahlman looked startled but relieved at the same time, however he was still fidgeting slightly. There was a long pause as Dahlman took a deep breath.
"The battle at Juniper ridge" he finally said.
Gale fixed Dahlman in an icecold stare. They stared at each other for a few, long seconds before Dahlman was finally forced to look away.
"Why would you tell me?" Gale said slowly. Dahlman looked genuinely confused at this.
"Well, Haymond thought that since you're his brother you-"
"He's not my brother," Gale interrupted sharply. Dahlman didn't react. There was a long, painfull pause, in which Gale had a cold, piersing glare in his eyes. Dahlman didn't make eye contact.
"Tell Haymond to go fuck himself," Gale said calmly and fianlly turned to leave.
So that was it. If you could just tell me if you were confused or not that would be great. Also, if you were confused maybe tell me which part seemed to be the problem.
Have a nice day!
Last edited by WhiteKnight75; 12-07-2017 at 06:44 AM..