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Helsing (Vampire Mystery)

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Old 11-28-2017, 03:04 PM
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Default Helsing (Vampire Mystery)


Hasn't had much proof reading, and has a lot of issues. Plus my grammar is horrible. Should I make a second chapter?

Helsing
The smell of death was still ripe in the air. Not that I wasn’t used to it. With the nature of my work this particular scent was by no means an uncommon one. No, it wasn’t the odor that brought a gut wrenching pit to my stomach. It was the sight, in all the murders I had witnessed throughout my studies, none had been quite so terrible. Blood coated the halls of the Westenra residence, the manor spread with a series of grizzly killings, all brutal and disturbing. One of the many sources of the chaos came from the loft, where the father of the household lye. His forehead caved in, having been rammed into the corner of the brick fireplace, now overflowing with a putrid.
Another body had been discovered in the powder room. Inside was a grotesquely mangled corpse, once belonging to a young ginger haired girl named Mary, the youngest of the family, aged only seven. Now unrecognizably mutilated, her blue summer dress torn and stained a crimson color, and her soft face gashed and caked with dried blood.
The third corpse, the worse of them, was in the master bed room. The carcass belonged to Clementine, the once caring mother of the now massacred Westenra family. She was facing upwards, leaned against the dresser. A look of terror still captured in her eyes. Her intestines had been ripped from her body, and strewn across the room, her hands were buried in her stomach in a last fleeting attempt at putting her insides back into place. There were was what seemed to be a large almost animal like bite in her throat which looked to have ended her suffering.
After observing the carnage, I could hardly bare to stay in the manor another second. So whilst the police investigated the scene, I stepped out to smoke. I pulled a small tobacco pipe from my handbag, and began taking heavy drags from it. I couldn’t take my mind off what I had seen, in fact, I surmised that would quite be able to. My colleague Dr. John Seward joined me out on the porch. He had a grim look about him, and I could tell he was in a bad state.
“A horrible thing.” He muttered as he lit his cigar.
“Truly.” I responded glancing towards him.
He was a man of high intellect, and a close friend of mine. He treated me when I gashed my hand in a terrible accident, and managed to suck the gangrene from the wound. He was tall and slender, and had a thin, pale face adorned by a wispy moustache. His professional history was in the field of psychology, which was exactly the kind of associate I required. My goal was to travel from my hometown of Amsterdam, to London, where Doctor Seward and I would study a different branch of psychology, which we referred to as criminal psychology. The purpose of our endeavor was to provide means to prove that learning about the mind of criminals could be a direct shortcut into apprehending them.
We had for the past three months been living on campus at the University of London, and would spend most days travelling to crime scenes to study them and learn anything we could from the manner of death. And in turn hope to gain insights into the way the criminal mind functions.
We had been told of what was supposedly the most gruesome massacre Oxford had ever seen, and had no choice but to investigate. Clearly it had lived up to its reputation thus far.
“We should probably head back in, see if we can learn anything.” John said dropping what remained of his cigar to the ground. The idea of going back in there caused the pit to reform in my stomach, to see once again what I had seen previously. I could hardly bear the thought. But I knew it was what need be done.
“I suppose so.” I complied returning my pipe to its bag.
We made our way inside, and began our examination of the first corpse.
“Whoever did this must have had profound strength.” John remarked looking closely at the split through the skull of the body.
“Indeed. The killer managed to ram the victim into the fireplace with enough force to cave the dome of the skull completely.” I agreed with a curious look about me.
All of the causes of death were extremely violent, and would have required an almost animalistic strength. The way the killer had chosen to perform the killings was quite unorthodox as well. They were all killed in an excessively vicious manner. “Looking at the wounds it almost seems as though there were no weapons used.” John observed acutely.
“It has to be some kind of animal attack.” John said as we entered the powder room.
“Look at these wounds, they somewhat resemble claw marks.” He said pointing to the body of young Mary.
“Like something you would see from a bear attack.” He wasn’t wrong, maybe the killer was some kind of animal. “But why would there be a bear attack in central Oxford.” I pointed out. “True, it wouldn’t make sense.” John responded a quizzical expression on his face.
There seemed to be no logical answer to this mystery. On the one had it could have been an animal, which wouldn’t make sense in the urban surroundings. And on the other hand, it could have been a person. Which also wouldn’t add up due to the extreme amount of strength that would be needed for the murders they had seen.
“Frankly this has me perplexed.” I sighed trying desperately to think of any plausible outcome.
“We should talk to one of the constables, see if they know anything more.” We approached one of the constables, who was observing the mother’s body.
“Excuse me.” I muttered, capturing his attention.
“Ah, you mus’ be Dr. Helsing. I’m constable Maverick” He said enthusiasm in his voice,
“Indeed, and this is my colleague Dr. John Seward.” I responded tipping my hat.
“A pleasure to meet the both of you in person.” He stated as he stood to face us. “Ah, you flatter us.” John remarked with a slight smile.
“Well Constable, we have a few questions about this situation.” I said
“What kind of questions?”
“About the nature of the murders, they all seem unrealistically brutal. Normally I would assume an animal attack, but that would be nearly impossible in this urban setting.” I said curiosity in my voice.
“I noticed this as well. In fact, I’m a bit perplexed by the whole situation. I mean, we have no leads. Even the witness refuses to say anything to us.” The constable said stroking his beard.
“Witness?” I asked, raising a brow.
“You don’ know? They found a little girl up 3rd street. Soaked in blood from head to toe, what looks like a bite in her neck. She wouldn’t stop screaming, like a damn banshee.” Constable Maverick explained. I looked to Dr. Seward a look of agreement between us.
We packed up our things and took a stagecoach to the constabulary where we had been told the witness was being held. Upon our arrival two constables lead us to interviewing room. Inside was a young girl with her fiery red hair pulled into a bun, and her willowy frame covered by a large men’s trench coat. Her face was so place she looked like a ghost, and her expression was that of complete mortification. As we entered and sat down, she said nothing, didn’t even look at us. She was completely petrified, but not with fear. With something darker, there was no terror in her eyes, but a hopeless look of knowing. Even without knowledge of the situation any sensible person would be able to tell she had seen something that changed her. “What is your name?” I asked trying to keep my tone soft, and speak without my native German accent. She didn’t respond, didn’t even move her head. I noticed a bandage on her neck, which was for the purpose of stopping the bleeding from where she was attacked.
“Does that still hurt?” I persisted carefully, pointing to her injury. I wasn’t getting anything from her, clearly she refused to speak. This was a big problem as she was the only lead we had on the killer.
“Was it an animal?” I noticed her eyes widen a bit, which was unusual, but couldn’t gather anything from it.
“A person?” I asked my voice quivering a bit. She turned her head and stared me in the eyes, and gave a slow nod.
“Mein Gott.” I remarked looking to Dr. Seward
“It can’t have been a person!” I stated with amazement.
“It was.” I heard in a raspy sounding voice, I looked over to see it was the girl who had spoken.
“He was tall, and fast. With the strength of many men.” She continued her voice unwavering.
“He came upon me first, sunk his teeth into my neck. My father tried to stop him, but was killed right in front of me. I ran, and hid under the rafters, and listened as he murdered my sister, and then my mother.”
John and I both sat completely still, barely able to comprehend what was being told to us. But the girl resumed her story.
“I ran, bleeding from my wound, and had a feeling he was after me. I didn’t stop, I just kept running, every once and awhile seeing movement out of the corner of my eye that would keep me moving in fear he was still after me. Until finally I passed out from the loss of blood.” She had finished her story, and now sat in absolute silence.
“Did you see this ‘person’s’ face?” I asked, she shook her head.
Damn I thought, still processing what I had just heard.
“I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you.” I said to her with sincerity, “May I ask your name?” I requested
“Lucy.” She said, “Lucy Westenra.”


Last edited by BluntArrow; 11-28-2017 at 03:19 PM..
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Old 11-28-2017, 03:07 PM
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Sorry that it's kind of hard to read with the formatting. Don't really know how to fix it. Looked way better in my word document.
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Old 11-28-2017, 03:31 PM
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Are you retelling Dracula? You are using Stoker's characters' names? I guess I don't get it. Why don't I just read Dracula (which is so good!)?
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:47 PM
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That is actually a fair point, first I came into this project with the idea "A mix between the classic Sherlock Holmes and the classic Dracula." But somewhere along the way I decided to pick up the original Dracula names.
I was planning on reworking it in my own way, but having never read the original Dracula, and only being fourteen with no access to easy money, it is impossible to tell how similar it is to the originals.
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:57 PM
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Bram Stokerís Dracula is in the public domain. You can read it for free with an internet connection. Gutenberg.org is one place.


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Old 12-04-2017, 07:53 AM
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If you like to read, Dracula will fascinate you. If you don't like to read, you will never plow through it. I don't know which movie follows the book the best; guess you could google that.
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Old 12-04-2017, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by BluntArrow View Post
That is actually a fair point, first I came into this project with the idea "A mix between the classic Sherlock Holmes and the classic Dracula." But somewhere along the way I decided to pick up the original Dracula names.
I was planning on reworking it in my own way, but having never read the original Dracula, and only being fourteen with no access to easy money, it is impossible to tell how similar it is to the originals.


The names are really the only similarity. Easy fix to sub the names for your own made up ones. Otherwise, itís not terribly uncommon for a fan-fic type thing to reimagine a classic tale, but youíre probably still going to get push-back from purists. Just make sure thereís a new twist or something to keep it interesting.

I have to say, Iím impressed that a fourteen year old writer would say: Ďthat is actually a fair point.í

You can definitely make the sentences. I donít know if this is intending to be a novel, and I wouldnít want to discourage you from that, but it helped me a lot to concentrate for a period of time on short stories where I had to practice conservation of words and ideas.




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Old 12-04-2017, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Luciaphile View Post
If you like to read, Dracula will fascinate you. If you don't like to read, you will never plow through it. I don't know which movie follows the book the best; guess you could google that.


Ha ha. Yeah. If anything, listen to the audiobook version. Thatís also available free online.

Mr. Stoker was a windbag.


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