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In Shadow

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  #1  
Old 07-14-2009, 02:32 PM
darkdreamer (Offline)
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Default In Shadow




Looking at him,
crouched in the shadows of his mind,
head heavy on his arms,
I see the sadness
in hunched shoulders,
feel the tremor of thoughts
racking his body,

Will he stay
huddled in memories
or lift his face toward daylight,
shape his mouth into a smile
and pretend the sky is blue not grey?

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  #2  
Old 07-14-2009, 03:19 PM
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I'm not too sure how to comment on this one. I don't particularily like the first stanza.. somehow it doesn't really flow. The second one flows sliightly better, and I like the ideas you put into it. If I get inspiration to SPaG you I will, but I fear this is all I can give you right now That is a lovely sculpture, by the way. Who made it?
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Old 07-14-2009, 03:53 PM
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hello

strange but i loved the first stanza and found it fit into the picture perfectly. I'm not professor of poetry but one opinion is as strong as another sometimes.

reminded me of a poor version of 'the thinker'

great image and words you wrapped around it.

CoS
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Old 07-14-2009, 03:59 PM
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reminded me of a poor version of 'the thinker'
Same here
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Old 07-14-2009, 08:16 PM
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Thanks Ilseum and CoS

I am not sure who made it. I'm kicking myself for not noting down the sculptor and title but I did like it.
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