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Our Own Kind of Love

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  #1  
Old 06-03-2009, 06:04 PM
mhkmelvin (Offline)
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Default Our Own Kind of Love


He was a man who lived alone,
For almost all his life,
There wasnt even a single day,
That he thought of taking a wife,
And then he met a girl,
Who turned his life around,
And it was clear to see,
Hed no longer run around.

He always knew inside himself,
That there was one true love for him,
And to let this woman get by him,
Would be a mortal sin,
But the pressures of a marriage,
Were just too much to bear,
Till the thought of a loving family,
Turned his heart to love and care.

Now the love thats in a young mans heart,
When he finds his one true love,
Can only be measured by,
The flight of the morning dove,
And when you gaze into the eyes,
Of that young man in love,
You can see the radiance that glows,
When his woman returns his love.

The love that a young couple share,
Cannot be bought or sold,
And all you have to do is look upon them,
And their love is felt not told,
And when you add the arrival,
Of a newborn baby child,
You can see the additional love thats added,
And it is tender and mild.

Now even though a marriage,
Is not added in,
The love that this couple share,
Is really not a sin,
Cause to be the father of a child,
And the lover of a mate,
There is no reason not to love,
And absolutely no reason to hate.

You cannot understand their love,
Till you look from their point of view,
And if you had your life to live over,
This is the way youd wish to live too,
Cause their love is not strange,
Once they come to understand,
Their just living their own lives,
And going thru it hand in hand.


Weve always shared our own kind of love,
That on one else will know,

Weve kept our love a secret,
From the people that we know,

But the time will come Im sure,
When you will understand,

And well explain to you,
Our own kind of love if we can.

Our own kind of love if we can.

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  #2  
Old 11-03-2009, 06:30 AM
mhkmelvin (Offline)
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Just a note to post.
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Old 11-03-2009, 01:03 PM
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The font size is doing you no favour here, try one size larger to ease readability.

This reads rather stale to me, yes it is telling a nice little tale, and there is probably a story behind it, but it is not, how should I say, involving. I see the words but nothing beyond that which is a shame. It is a nice start, and from just two reads I think you got no problems with SPAG and so on, but for it to have impact it needs more.

Hope that helps.
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Old 11-03-2009, 07:19 PM
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Everything is written well except the font size is small. Honestly, It wasnt involving and lacked pulling me in. I tried to read it again more serious and for me it still was like being the fourth guy in the room with the 3 stooges.
maybe some imagery would help, some reality, because love just inst love
its pain, frustration and arguing along with resiliance and uncomprimise to compromise to giving in, taking away and giving up and then throwing a wedge between each other to realize that life is miserable with out that person, sure, it isnt a cakewalk with that person but it was purposeful,
what you need to do is show us what is purposeful and what we stand to lose if not to love that one person. you need to keep what you got, and add a good measure of reality to create teeth grinding I hate you love you couldnt be in this world with no other person but you, Love..
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