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The Ride

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  #1  
Old 07-12-2014, 04:35 PM
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Default The Ride


But I wanna be
What I thought I'd be
My life beats to rhythm of a prescription destiny
Cover me under a blanket of all I know
Is this Nirvana?
Pseduo highs
We all get fucked the same
So why not open wide


Last edited by Rich0; 07-17-2014 at 05:29 AM..
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Old 07-12-2014, 04:49 PM
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Oh, my.
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Old 07-12-2014, 05:06 PM
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Someone was asking for a good book on poetry. I can't remember who or in what thread so I'll post it randomly here.

Poetic Meter & Poetic Form by Paul Fussell.
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Old 07-13-2014, 01:13 AM
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.....

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Old 07-13-2014, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Lon Palmer View Post
Someone was asking for a good book on poetry. I can't remember who or in what thread so I'll post it randomly here.

Poetic Meter & Poetic Form by Paul Fussell.
Subtle. 9/10 poems I write are stream of consciousness.

Originally Posted by eripiomundus View Post
The last two lines are amazing. To me they convey that we will suffer no matter what, so stop trying to avoid it and just go with it. Nicely put.

As for the rest, I got a bit jumbled at the line: real nirvana. Up until then I got it. I think you were saying, in that line and the two surrounding it, that we cover ourselves with essentially fake knowledge and that leads to pseudo highs instead of real nirvana, but I can't be sure because... Well... It doesn't make sense.

Structurally it seems a little out. When you employ rhyme it's best to conform to a meter so that the rhyme is stressed at the right moment. Otherwise it sounds out.

Still, gotta love those last two lines.
Actually your right that makes no sense. I'll take it out.

Last edited by Rich0; 07-13-2014 at 04:31 PM..
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Old 07-13-2014, 04:11 PM
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Like I said it was a random post.

It was not a comment on your poem in any way.
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Old 07-13-2014, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Lon Palmer View Post
Like I said it was a random post.

It was not a comment on your poem in any way.
Ahhh ok. I assumed it did as I broke the rhythm randomly halfway through lol
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Old 07-13-2014, 05:08 PM
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not at all

free verse is poetry too
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Old 07-15-2014, 01:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Rich0 View Post
But I wanna be
What I thought I'd be
My life beats to rhythm of a prescription destiny
Cover me under a blanket of all I know
Real Nirvana
Pseduo highs
We all get fucked the same
So why not open wide
Simple and to the point. Less is more as they say. I feel this way often, powerless to my destiny. That's a comforting and disconcerting feeling. talking about predestination, it's an absolute conclusion. but, we have fragments of free will flying around our mind. we're all balls bouncing around the same pinball machine, waiting til our spinner misses a flick, to where we fall to the same place. But, how can you inspire people? How can you take this absolute truth and make peoples hearts pound?
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