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Write Fun Right Now

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  #1  
Old 07-09-2010, 12:38 PM
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A children's poem to promote writing.

WRITE FUN RIGHT NOW

I write when I am cheerful.
I write when I am sad.
I’ll write a whole earful
of something really bad.

I think about what to write
on days I feel alone,
when not a friend’s in sight,
I’ll pretend they’re on the phone.

I can talk to Mary Sue
And write to say, “What’s shakin’?”
or Billy Bob Franky Lou
eating eggs and bacon.

On the days I’m feeling blue,
I get a pen and paper
and watch the words stick like glue
or puff a smoky vapor.

I can see people forming,
characters come alive,
like actresses performing
when the crowds all arrive.

I write about anything,
like animals at the zoo,
and watch the monkeys swing,
while doing a flip or two.

I write a singer on stage
ready to do his songs,
dancing around inside a cage,
as people sing along.

My thoughts can run wild
when I write, I let loose,
like a carefree child
playing duck duck goose.

I can be something real small,
like ants crawling on trees,
or a giraffe, lighthouse tall,
or little bumblebees.

Or sail the ocean and back
underwater or on boats
while I eat a healthy snack
like cake and ice cream floats.

I can be sharks or dolphins
swimming in the deep blue sea,
and have wings instead of fins.
Everything, I can be.

I also like to travel
to outer space, beyond
to walk on the moon’s gravel
trying to find a pond.

Some days I write a story.
Some days I write a poem
about a girl named Tori
brushing her teeth with a comb.

I write what’s on my mind,
whatever it may be.
I write to try and find
the person inside of me.

My pen is like a wand
writing a magic show.
I find it very fond
to see the words glow.

And paper is like treasure
washed along the shoreline.
It really is a pleasure
to know I wrote was mine.

So if you’re bored like me
not knowing what to do
a pen and paper might be
just the right thing for you.

It really is that easy.
Just write a word to start.
Even if it’s cheesy,
just write with all your heart.


Last edited by Lmc71775; 07-10-2010 at 11:50 AM..
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  #2  
Old 07-10-2010, 04:57 AM
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I really like the idea, and the first stanza pulled me in with a steady rythm. Afterward, however, I was a bit put off by the lack of rythm. Was that voluntary or not? I think that, since it's directed at children, it would be a good idea to try and stick to the rythm you've set in the first stanza, meaning 7 syllables per line. A lot of the time you can just add a small word (like 'that' or something) here and there to get the count right, but at some places you'll have to rephrase completely.

Do you see what I mean or do you want me to give concrete examples?
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Old 07-10-2010, 05:20 AM
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Examples would be nice. Thanks
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Old 07-10-2010, 05:46 AM
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Okay; I commented a little.

I write when I am happy. [7]
I write when I am sad. [7]
Sometimes I write real sappy. [7]
Sometimes I write real bad. [7] (Okay, so this stanza has a great rythm going on. Although I suggest connecting the first two lines, and the last two lines by changing the periods after 'happy' and 'sappy' into commas. When you read the sentences out loud, the words just flow right on. I put numbers at the end of each line to show the number of syllables, so you can see the irregularity.)

I think about what to write [7]
on days I feel lonely, [6] (Here, you suddenly have 6 syllables. I've read through it a couple of times, and I think it could work like this, but somehow the word 'lonely' throws off the flow a bit. Maybe it's because the accent is on the first syllable of the word. If you'd say 'On days I feel alone,' there wouldn't be a problem because the accent is on the last syllable. But then your rhyme scheme would be messed up...so it's something to think about)
when not a friend is in sight, [7] (All right...I thought it was a mere syllable problem, but now that I've reread it a couple of times I think it's more the word flow than the actual syllable count. You see, this line has the right number of syllables, but it feels like it doesn't. Do you feel the difference between 'When not a friend is in sight' and 'When there's not a friend in sight'? The second one flows; the first one keeps back.)
I write something phony. [6]

One (on) the days I’m feeling blue, [7]
I get pens and paper [6] (This could work if you put the accent on the first word of the sentence. Otherwise, you can add a small word like 'some' - 'I get some pens and paper', to get the flow going)
and watch the words stick like glue [7]
or puff smoke like vapor. [6] (So the little numbers show that I was wrong about syllable count inconsistency I'll just go on pointing out where I stumbled over words, then These last two lines feel like there's something missing. I keep wanting to add words: 'I watch the words that stick like glue//or puff some smoke like vapor.' Now these words don't fit, but it gets the rythm going. You see what I mean? I'll put little words in green whenever the same thing occurs - don't pay any attention to the meaning; just the flow and rythm)

I can see the people forming,
characters come alive,
like actresses who are performing
as the crowds all come arrive.

I write about anything,
like animals at zoos,
as acrobats they swing on rings,
while drinking Mountain Dews.

I write a singer on stage
ready to do his songs,
dancing around in ('inside' instead of 'in') a cage,
as people sing along.

My thoughts they can run all wild
when I write, I let loose,
like a carefree child
playing games like duck duck goose. (Maybe you could link these two last lines: 'Like a carefree child who plays//games like duck duck goose')

I can be something real really small,
like ants in crawling trees,
or a giraffe as lighthouse tall,
or little bumblebees. (I really like this line)

Or sail the ocean and come back
Underwater or on boats
while I eat a healthy snack
like cake and ice cream floats. (Love this!)


I can be sharks or dolphins
swimming in the deep blue sea,
or who have wings instead of fins.
Everything, I can be.

I also like to travel
to outer space, beyond
to walk on the moon’s gravel
trying to find a pond.

Some days I write a story.
Some days I write a poem
about a girl named Tori
as I write this at home.

So if you are bored like me
not knowing what to do
a pen and paper those will be
just the right thing for you.

It really is that easy.
Just write a word to start.
Even if it’s cheesy,
just write with all your heart. (I really like this last stanza )
I hope I was clear enough with the green words - they don't mean anything in particular, it's just to show where there's a beat missing.

Hope this helps
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Last edited by Ilseum; 07-10-2010 at 05:49 AM..
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  #5  
Old 07-10-2010, 06:11 AM
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I think I understand it better, but I still don't see 7 syll in this line,

I write when I am sad.
1 1 1 1 1 1

I see 6 only.

I will try to do the beat better filling the green with something...(some of your fillers are good)
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Old 07-10-2010, 11:51 AM
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I am going OUT of my mind with this poem. It doesn't sound right and I am adding new ones too. It just keeps growing. HELP someone, please.
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