WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.


Macy's Leave (Chapter 1)

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-18-2014, 06:49 AM
Writingfan27 (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oak Park Michigan, United States
Posts: 501
Thanks: 26
Thanks 63
Default Macy's Leave (Chapter 1)


Plot. Colonel Macy goes on leave from his offworld post at ELP-101 and uses his time to visit family and friends.

Cheyenne 2
ELP-101
Macy’s quarters.

After changing out of his flightsuit and into his dress blue uniform, Colonel Luke Macy walked into the bathroom to check himself in the mirror.

He approached the mirror and took a good look at his appearance everything appeared to be in order except one thing, his tie needed a slight adjustment so he gave it a quick tug.

Satisfied, he picked up his suitcase off of his bed and walked out of the room.

Macy was a highly decorated U.S. Air Force pilot. In addition to the eagle insignias on his shoulders, the jacket of his uniform consisted of his AF space wings, pilot wings and below those were the eighteen ribbons he received over many years of service.

Today he was heading out for his two weeks of leave on Earth, but he was going to pay his squadron a quick visit before leaving.

Hanger.

As the other pilots and copilots climbed into their F-28s, Major Manning, the number 2 member of the Space Falcons Squadron was doing a preflight check of his fighter as his copilot sat in the cockpit.

Macy walked in and approached him as he was in the middle of checking the afterburners and rocket booster.

“Saddling up for another mission eh?”

“Yes sir. Some of us will be flying around in orbit while the rest of us patrol the local space.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me, be sure to take good care of the squadron in my absence.”

“Will do sir, you can count on me.”

“I never doubted that for a second,” Macy replied with a smile then slapped manning on the right shoulder and walked over to his fighter where his copilot, Lieutenant Brown was sitting in the front seat.

Cheyenne 2 entrance.
Three minutes later.

As the squadron of ten F-28s took off from the nearby runway, Colonel Macy walked outside just in time to hear the roar of their engines as they headed up towards space.

“A beautiful sight,” he thought to himself.

The scientific research installation known as Voyager base was also visible from where he was standing.

Around him were eight marines who were currently on guard duty.

“Colonel Macy, shall we tell the Montpelier that you’re ready to beam up to them?”

“Absolutely Corporal.

The leader of the security team activated his headset and told the space destroyer in orbit that Colonel Macy was in position outside the entrance and ready for teleport.

At the moment, Macy was whisked away in a flash of white light.

USS Montpelier

Macy appeared on the bridge and was greeted with a standing salute from everyone present including the ships commander, Captain Oslo.

“Colonel Macy, welcome aboard the Montpelier,” Oslo said with a southern accent that sounded just the same in person as it did over the radio when he first arrived to help guard against further pirate incursions after one was thwarted.

“Thank you sir,” Macy replied as Oslo approached him and shook his hand.

“It’s an honor to finally meet you in person Colonel,” the ships XO, Commander Earnest said who also walked up to shake his hand.

“Thank you commander.”

After shaking hands with Earnest, Macy took a quick look around the bridge as everyone returned to their duties.

“This is a very nice ship you got here Captain Oslo.”

“Thank you Colonel. Let me show you the holographic display table.”

“It’s one of the neatest things on this ship,” Earnest commented.

Macy approached the medium sized table behind the captains chair then turned it on and brought up a holographic projection of the Voyager System.

“This is a projection of the system we are currently in and there’s our position marked in blue.”

Macy noticed that the shape representing the Montpelier was a miniature holographic replica of the ship itself and not a random shape.

“Wow, this thing is much better than the spacemaps they have on the battlecruisers.”

“It sure is Colonel but they might get HDTs of their own in due time. We’re about to get underway, Commander Turner will take you to the guest quarters. Helm get us into hyperspace,” Oslo ordered.

“Activating hyperdrive now Captain.”

“Captain, do you mind if I give Colonel Macy a tour of the ship along the way?” Turner asked as the ship entered hyperspace.

“I wouldn’t mind at all Commander.”

Before leaving, Macy asked Captain Oslo if he knew anything about the outcome of Operation Furious Talon.

“Space Fleet Command sent us a message a few minutes before you beamed up to us saying that the op was successfully concluded with the destruction of all pirate forces in SY-1407. The only thing we lost was a recon drone and destroyer group one is currently on its way back to Earth along with the Beowulf and Leonidas.

“Sounds like excellent news sir.

“But it turned out that we weren’t the only ones the pirates pissed off. During the operation, an alien race called the Murganauts entered the system and unleashed a great deal of fury of their own on the pirate factions. All intelligence assessments conclude that the amount of damage inflicted by the Murganauts and us should keep the pirates out of commission for years.”

“Terrific but I won’t be surprised if we launch periodic raids on their homeworlds to keep them from ever getting back to full strength,” Macy replied.

Shortly after leaving the bridge, Macy asked Turner how long would it take for the ship to reach Earth.

“Unlike your six week voyage on the Beowulf, it’s only going to take us four weeks to reach our destination. One of the perks of a space destroyer is having a slightly faster hyperdrive, but we wouldn’t be able to use our speed advantage to the fullest if we were traveling with a battlecruiser.

“Four weeks instead of six, not too shabby,” Macy replied.

Overall Macy wasn’t too worried about the trip. The U.S. military’s official policy for military personnel going on leave from offworld installations stated that their leave did not officially begin until they arrived at Earth.

So far there wasn’t anything noteworthy to point out on the way to the guest quarters so Macy and Turner engaged in a conservation.

“So what’s your primary duty on this ship Commander?”

“I’m the weapons officer Colonel. The First time I used live ordnance was when I blew away that crippled pirate corvette with the Scar cannons very powerful things, one minute the target is in front of you then the next it’s gone. The only thing more scarier than our Mach twelve railguns is the KRLs on the battlcruisers and those things send kinetic rods flying at you at Mach 26.”

“The thought of either weapon firing off at me is enough to send chills down my spine, a testament to their immense power perhaps.”

“No argument there,” Turner replied.

“So how does it feel having all of those railguns, missiles, and energy weapons at your fingertips?”

“It gives you a sense of power and importance that I really can’t put into words.”

Macy could easily relate to that feeling, as a fighter pilot he had his fair share of using powerful ordnance against enemy targets, but none of their power compared to those possessed by the intergalactic warships used by his country and the others in the Earth defense alliance.

“So how did you start out prior to joining the Navy’s space fleet?”

“I was a college student at the time of the first Borgan invasion then after we curbstomped them during their second invasion attempt, I decided to abandon my pursuit of an environmental science degree to answer the higher calling of service to my country. So I joined the Navy in 2098 and went through the training and stuff and found myself in the surface fleet and served on a couple of destroyers here and there. Then when the construction of the Hydra class space destroyers started, I was one of the many people asked if they would we be interested in serving on one and I was quick to say yes. I was driven by the desire to be in a position to bring the fight to the Borgans or any other alien baddies looking to make a run at our planet up in space. How did you end up going from flying F-24s to F-28s?”

“I guess the Air Force wanted their all-star pilot to have the best assignment possible and so they selected me to lead a squadron of space fighters. Heroism like rank has its benefits I guess.”

“They kinda do when you think about it,” Turner replied.

Macy didn’t feel the need to tell her that he came from a family with a long line of Air Force pilots because for some strange reason, he felt that she along with everyone in the U.S. military if not the world knew about him especially in the aftermath of the Scorpion War in 2085.

Before long, crewmembers started taking notice of his presence and they along with some marines from the ships combat teams started walking up to meet him and shake his hand.

Macy didn’t mind all the attention, he couldn’t blame people for wanting to meet a hero in person and pay their respects.

Guest quarters
Deck 11

After passing through many decks, Colonel Macy and Commander Turner finally reached their destination and she opened the door for him.
Upon entering, Macy was amazed at what he saw.

“Wow, this looks like a five star hotel room. I must admit that I am pleasantly surprised.”

Macy always knew that military guest rooms had a more lavish feel to them than ones typical quarters which were impressive in their own way, but not as impressive as this.

“You’re the first guest to ever set foot in this room,” Turner commented then checked her watch. “Well my break time is almost over so I’m about to take one of the televators up to deck one and head back to the bridge. Feel free to make yourself at home Colonel.”

“Thank you Commander,” Macy replied then Turner walked away and headed towards a nearby televator.

After closing the door behind him Macy sat his suitcase and hat on a nearby table and took a look around. Apart from the nice red carpet the room consisted of a bed, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a microwave and a cabinet full of easy-cook meal packs.

Not wanting to settle in just yet, Colonel Macy decided to head back out and do some more exploring of the ship.

Chapter 2 coming soon.











Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-18-2014, 08:21 AM
VPir (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 20
Thanks: 5
Thanks 3
Default

Hi, I read the first half and skimmed the last. You have the makings of a good story. Some sentences were a bit wordy... he could have fixed his crooked tie in the mirror in half the words or less, for example.

I didn't feel much personality in any of the characters. Because I didn't relate with them, I didn't feel like continuing to read.

If you could rework some more personality... quirks, emotions etc into the piece, I'd give it another read.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-18-2014, 12:06 PM
max crash's Avatar
max crash (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Keep, just beyond the orbit of mars
Posts: 2,239
Thanks: 147
Thanks 404
Default

I'm sorry to say I too read the first part and then skimmed the rest, it must need to be punched up a little to keep our attention. I realize this is the intro and a lot of intros are hard to get through, but it's necessary if you want to sell the idea.

I write a lot of military stories and military characters tend to be two dimensional until the story really gets rolling - maybe something as simple as he's a womanizer and couldn't keep his eyes off the commander's butt. It could be anything as long as it breaks up the military reality of this meeting. Maybe even little quick's in the ship itself that is not quite finished. Anything that will keep the reader - reading.

you picked a hard write, but now you're obligated to give it your best shot or Macy will die without getting to know Turner.

You can check out 'The Captains Log' - it's the beginning of a military piece I wrote, you'll see that my characters are just as card board as yours I just know that's the way military come across. we also got into a long discussion on light drive and gravity that might help with your story if it's based in space.

Last edited by max crash; 07-19-2014 at 09:20 AM..
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 06:06 AM
Roses to Remember - Chapter 1 part 2? (some strong language) LA GOBFREY Fiction 5 01-30-2013 03:09 PM
First Chapter woes Grey_Alien Writing Help & Issues 4 04-08-2011 02:44 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:30 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.