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The Janitor

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  #1  
Old 07-12-2014, 06:11 PM
whunter (Offline)
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Default The Janitor


I've held a lot of jobs in my life. Some I was good at and some I wasn't. In my junior year of college I wanted to study to be a doctor. It didn't go so well. Mostly because I was unaware of what I was getting myself into. Knowing is half the battle, or at least that's what they say.

I studied philosophy in college, because I wanted to understand other people's perspectives of life. I got that and more, I started to see why I made certain decisions and judged whether they were based on reason or simply unfounded desires.

I always thought certain titles were nifty, so I tried all sorts of things. Accountant, investor, novelist, musician, college student and graphic designer. I didn't care about making a living, I cared about making an impression. I felt inadequate. But, I was merely an impostor.

I tried on these titles, not because I sought their highest end, but because on the surface they gave me adequacy, socially and otherwise. Of course, everyone knew it was bullshit. I could never adhere to self-proclaimed titles I had tacked on in conversation, because they were not my occupation.

I ruminated on the solution. Months had passed, I was sleeping on my mother's couch after college, hunting for the right job, when I realized: I must see things through to their highest good and do only what is expected of me to the best of my ability. So I do, everyday from 6am to 4pm. You can see your reflection in my floors.


Last edited by whunter; 07-12-2014 at 06:52 PM..
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Old 07-13-2014, 02:51 PM
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Do you have to say "to study"? In college it is obvious you're studying, unless part of the story is that you didn't study. Without that phrase the sentence still makes sense, and perhaps flows better.

There are more words you can omit, but maybe you want them in there. I won't mention all the words I saw that weren't completely necessary but one other is in the next sentence, "so" might not be necessary.

Is this going to be a story about the Quasimodo genius trope, living secluded outside of everyday society? Perhaps like Will Hunting in that movie, Good Will Hunting. Nothing is new under the sun, if done well old art can be relevant again. Most pop songs use the same four chords, and yet there are thousands of them, whereas four only has a permutation of sixteen. I connect with this kind of story, if it is that trope.

Anyway I am interested to see more. There is not really much here. A random piece of art you might enjoy, that I enjoyed and thought of when I read this, is a movie, a documentary really, called "The Philosopher Kings".
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:07 PM
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I liked your story, it is a struggle that everyone has faced. I to wanted to become a doctor instead I became a soldier - and I was damn good at it.

I am not a fan of using an uncommon word when it is not necessary. Therefore, I had a little trouble with adequacy, but it's self explanatory in the sentence; however, ruminated, it's ok if you're a veterinarian, but not used to much down at the corner store, where your books will be sold.

it's just my opinion.

but I did like the story.
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:08 PM
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err 357 - pushed wrong damn button
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Old 07-15-2014, 05:32 PM
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Good call about "ruminate" thanks man, check out my chapter if you want to.
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Old 07-15-2014, 05:45 PM
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i'll check it out tomorrow.
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:24 PM
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i enjoyed this...i like the character's honesty in saying "I always thought certain titles were nifty, so I tried all sorts of things." and the message of the piece is true, that no matter what a person does it is possible to be happy as long as it is done to the best of their ability.

sorry for the lack of constructive critique, i don't have much practice in this area yet. but i hope my comment was useful.
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Old 07-19-2014, 10:25 AM
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Default The Janitor

In the shape of the Specimen, in which the action and decision flow through one character this plot starts and ends with the motivations of the narrator. Known by his occupation, the narrator recounts his decision to become a janitor.

From first person point-of-view, the "Janitor" lets the audience in on his attempt to become a doctor and to graduate from college. It's not a nothing as he entertains his doubts on his Mother's couch. Somehow, you just feel that he has to make the effort to move forward.

As audience are we satisfied that a college student can only be a janitor? Probably not. But, it's this 'type' of person who makes these decisions.

A second draft should probably introduce another character to the plot or let us see him at work. We can't really tell what type of worker he is from here.
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Old 07-19-2014, 02:17 PM
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I look forward to reading more about the Janitor. Is he satisfied in his occupation or do feelings of inadequacy seep in?
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