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The Kypter System Incursion (Chapter 8 part 3)

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Old 06-23-2014, 07:14 AM
Writingfan27 (Offline)
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Default The Kypter System Incursion (Chapter 8 part 3)


Osura supercruiser

“Commander, the weapons launched at us are coming in on an overhead trajectory at extremely high rates of speed,” a sensor operator shouted.

We must defend the damaged ship at all cost and tell our leader we need reinforcements now,” the commander shouted.

The five supercruisers completed tightening up their defensive ring around the damaged one just as the warheads came diving down.

The ships pointed their turrets upwards and fired wildly at the warheads approaching in holographic mode at ballistic speeds.

Shields went up at the last second but the warheads slipped through, punched deep into the supercruisers after returning to solid form and blew them apart.

The only things left of them were flaming chunks that fell into the atmosphere.

As six pirate shuttles were obliterated by Aster12s from the Leonidas, another one was sent into a flaming tailspin after being hit by an IRIST missile from an F-42 and finished off by a beam shot from Captain Steinbeck.

“The last enemy shuttle has been bagged, great shooting everyone.”

“Roger that Spaceking 1,” Lieutenant Colbert replied.

“Beowulf to all fighters, we’re about to launch a kinetic rod strike against the remaining supercruisers in thirty seconds so make sure you are clear of the pirate fleet because once these things start flying there is no way to change their flight path,” Admiral Roberts said.

“Copy that Beowulf. Spacekings 2 through 7 form up on me, we’re going to check the far side of the planet for any lurking ships. Spacekings 8 through 40 roll out to the far right of the armada and pick off any ships that try to escape in that direction.”

“This is Spaceking 2, we’re forming up on you now boss.”

“Hoplite 1 to Spaceking leader, Admiral Markos has instructed us to set up a buffer zone on the enemies left flank and destroy anything pirate vessel trying to get in or out.”

“Solid copy, my guys will hold down the right flank while I take a seven ship flight behind the planet to check for lurkers.”

Just as the Greek fighters were nearing their position, the Hydra emerged from hyperspace in their sector and the two F/A-37s with it flew out from behind its shields and joined up with them.

“Hydra actual to Beowulf and Leonidas, we’re on station and ready to…

“Stand clear Hydra stand clear, we’re about to launch a kinetic rod strike against the pirate supercruisers,” Womack shouted.

“Understood, we’re holding position,” Captain Garff replied.

I always wanted to see a kinetic rod strike up close,” Lieutenant Hoss commented as Commander Jones joined him at the viewscreen.

The Beowulfs rod strike looked like sixty-seven bright flashes of light appearing in the distance and instantly followed by sixty-seven simultaneous explosions in orbit.

“The only thing I can think of that is scarier than tungsten rods flying at you is tungsten rods flying at you at Mach 26,” Hoss said.

“You got that right,” Jones commented.

“The Beowulf and Leonidas are now advancing towards the planet. Most of the remaining enemy ships are trying to hold their ground but two of them are trying to make a run for it,” Lieutenant Velmont reported.

“This is Poker 1, I just hacked into the systems of the fleeing ships and disabled their hyperdrives.”

“They won’t be jumping anywhere sir and two Space Hornets are closing in for the kill,” Velmont said.

When the two cruisers tried to open hyperspace windows, nothing happened and the bridge crews were lost for words and the only things they saw were four Megalodon missiles flying towards their viewscreens.

“They frantically tried to fire their weapons and raise their shields but got no response from those systems because Captain Merryfield launched another electronic attack to disable them.

“Four seconds later, the missiles smashed through the screens and the bridge crews were sucked out into space as their ships turned into fireballs.

As more and more ships were blasted to oblivion by the beams of the Beowulf and Leonidas, one of the corvettes broke off to the left and tried to escape but it was quickly acquired by three F-42s and destroyed by a salvo of nine Sirens.

“Congratulations Hoplites 7, 8, and 9, you guys just bagged your first enemy ship,” Commander Hall said.

Osura Faction shipyard

Telgek ran onto the bridge of one of the supercruisers and walked up to the commander.

“Signal the other ships to lift off, our fleet is faltering to the attackers and we must backup our brethren before all is lost.”

“Right away Telgek.”

Far side of the Osura Faction homeworld

The seven Space Hornets were halfway through their search when Captain Steinbeck got five blips on his radar screen.

“We just got company people, five enemy ships sitting right around the corner.”

“My scanners just confirmed that they’re supercruisers sir, this group must be the enemies reserve force,” Lieutenant Emerson said.

“Well they’re about to become scrap metal,” Lieutenant Colbert commented.

Just as the fighters made their left turn, the supercruisers kicked their engines up to full power and got moving.

“The supercruisers are trying to enter the battle,” Lieutenant Colbert said.

“Stop’em in their tracks,” Captain Steinbeck ordered.

Captain Steinbeck along with Spacekings 2 and 3 fired six Megalodons at three of the ships and Spacekings 4 and 5 fired six more at the other two.

The rear turrets swung back and fired a barrage of energy shells at the missiles but they were approaching below their lines of fire and flying at hypersonic speed so the shots came nowhere close to hitting them and even if they did, the missiles were also in holographic mode and shells would’ve passed right through them.

“They could’ve turned around to engage them with their other weapons, but the pirate commanders thought they could outrun them or block them with their shields if blasting them didn’t work and they were more interested in reaching the main fleet which was getting shot to oblivion with each passing second.

The superceruisers raised their shields a few seconds before impact but all thirty Megalodons flew right through them as if they didn’t exist then returned to solid form and struck the ships right in their engines.

“It’s a good thing we got out of orbit after launching our Megs,” Captain Steinbeck commented as he and the other pilots watched the gigantic fireballs from a safe distance as they expanded and consumed the supercruisers.

“This is Spaceking 3, I’m not detecting any additional enemy forces in this area.”

“Roger that, we’re going to rejoin the rest of our squadron,” Captain Steinbeck replied.

Four minutes later, they emerged from the dark side of the planet and rejoined their formation.

“Spaceking 1, how did your search and destroy operation go?” Spaceking 8 asked.

“We found five supercruisers trying to enter the fight but we smoked them with our Megs.”

Back above the planet, the last three cruisers tried to fight off the Beowulf and Leonidas with a barrage of beam attacks, but they were ineffective against the shields of the two vessels who shot back with their solar beams and finished them off as they flew by the explosions and settled into orbit.

“We have orbital superiority Admiral, but I’m detecting ten supercruisers climbing up through the atmosphere towards us,” Commander Womack reported.

“Open the orbital weapons bay, arm the solar beams and prep a salvo of two-hundred Arrowheads we’re going to hit these pirates hard.”

Leonidas bridge
At the same time.

Just as Commander Womack was readying her orbital strike weapons, Lieutenant Zurlous was readying his.

“Admiral Markos, attack preparations are complete. Tyrant missiles are ready to launch and the beam cannons are ready to fire.”

Markos contacted Roberts over his earpiece and told him they were ready to finish this.

“So are we Leonidas, execute.”

Several beams shot out from the weapon bays and were quickly followed by hundreds of Arrowhead and Tyrant missiles.

The beams were the first to reach the ascending ships and score hits, the shields shrugged off the opening attack, but the additional shots started to take their toll.

A few seconds later, the missiles entered the atmosphere and inflicted extreme amounts of damage on the supercruisers after bypassing their shields and boring through their hulls.

“Telgek, we’ve lost power and our ships are too badly damaged to complete the ascent,” the ship commander reported.

“At that moment, a violent jolt caused by another explosion was felt throughout the ship and it went into a free fall back towards the surface with the rest of the fleet not too far behind.

Beowulfs bridge

It worked sir, all ten supercruisers are falling from atmosphere and some of their parts are heating up and breaking off in the process. My sensors have already confirmed that their point of impact will be in the very shipyard they were rose up from,” Commander Womack reported.

“Talk about return to sender,” Commander Millen commented.

The pirate supercruisers may’ve been knocked out of the way but they still needed make sure the planet was clear of any other high value targets before calling this mission a wrap and Commander Womack was hard at work on the planetary scans.

Her counterpart on the Leonidas was also running scans for anything of tactical value to the Osura Faction.

Chapter 9 coming soon.












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Old 06-25-2014, 11:12 AM
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Default The Krypter System Incursion 8 III

This chapter is well written and flows smoothly to give an action filled plot. The draft features strong imagery and characterization. Readers almost feel the impact of a missile lunging into a ships frame. You do a good job describing the flames and changes in temperature when things heat up after an attack. Also, the audience sees the enemy ships attack one ship as it lets others go by.

To simplify the identification of the ships, you assign the ships names that make them unique to other ships. Just naming a ship Spaceking 3 instead of Dock 3 or something is effective characterization. Even the enemy ships attacking have different personalities that can be learned.

Not many suggestions for improvement except maybe adding a scene where the crew shows more of a reaction to being hit. Humanize the reaction. Add dialogue and let us see the crew get tired once.
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Old 06-25-2014, 03:15 PM
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@Escriber. Spaceking 3 is just a call-sign for one of the fighters but I do agree that giving ships names is much better than labeling them ship 1, ship 2, ETC.
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Old 07-17-2014, 05:03 AM
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this is a very good action scene and it flows--

but I think you need to add military jargon i.e.

in a battle of this type the tone would be much more informal

“Commander, the weapons launched at us are coming in on an overhead trajectory at extremely high rates of speed,” a sensor operator shouted.

"Bogies, we got bogies, inbound at 0 degrees relative!"

or possibly more reserved , "inbound missiles, commander, impact in 12 sec, topside."

a military battle would be filled with military jargon and very possibly curse words. if you don't have any experience with jargon watch a few naval battle movies, you'll pick it up. Battles in space are, or I would think, very much the same as a water battle.
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