WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.


Amir or the insectthatdidn'tgivewatertoitsmother, flash fiction

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-06-2017, 09:51 AM
chippedmonk's Avatar
chippedmonk (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: a place frequented by moths
Posts: 98
Thanks: 35
Thanks 14
Default Amir or the insectthatdidn'tgivewatertoitsmother, flash fiction


hi all, here's a flash fiction piece i'm thinking of submitting to a magazine so please critique.

----
Ah, how lovely it will be if it rains today. The soil is parched, the trees are ravenous and dust billows like smoke with the wind. There’s no water in our tanks; July hasn’t brought the storms. This dry spell is affecting my thoughts; they’ve become brittle and break into fine powder, and it is through this mind-mist that I glimpse them: my ghosts.

When I was a child, we’d walk barefoot in July. Because our slippers would slip from our feet, they were like fish, our slippers, in those happy, watery streets. We’d play in the puddles, enjoying the soft texture of mud in our hands.

Ah, here he appears from the murk as he often does now. Amir, our erstwhile friend, who ate some mud on a dare and a few days later had to be wormed. He was called worm for a time, until we thought of another, crueller nickname for him.

There used to be an insect that would come out in the rain; we were told, by our mothers mostly, that it was the insectthatdidn’tgivewatertoitsmother. It was cursed to surface whenever it rained because god had made water a plague to it.

It would eventually get eaten by the chickens.

Naturally, we dubbed Amir insectthatdidn’tgivewatertoitsmother. Not that he deserved it but children being children will always be cruel to children.

When he was older, Amir asked our friend Bagir if he could see Bagir’s penis.

We called him something truly horrible then, and the word and deed spread around school. He became a pariah. In time, he fled from our memory.

I didn’t think about him until a few years ago, when we crossed paths at the airport. I recognised him at once. He was in a pale blue Lacoste shirt and tight beige trousers and blue suede shoes. Like the Elvis song in a sense. His complexion had lightened, he had a five o’clock shadow, round-rimmed glasses. He also had a first class ticket on the Emirates. He was going to Paris, France, where he’d been living for the past ten years as a curator at a private museum. He was courteous, nice even, but there was an aloofness. Perhaps that was expected.

I wish we hadn’t done that to Amir. Now that our sensibilities have been impressed on by the West; by Humanisms, by Rights of all kinds, now that our worldviews have suffered a paradigm shift…it was unforgivable, what we did to that boy. Ah, Amir – successful now, so much more than the rest of us –enjoying the passage of four seasons, bare chested in summer, expensive pullovers in autumn, thick, tasteful coats come winter, and in spring, exquisite shirts under old-fashioned tweed. Amir, sipping Parisian coffee, nibbling on croissants, drinking mulled wine in the evenings…our Amir, one of us, once, yes, I am happy for him in my heart of hearts, tendrils of envy curled in my chest, I truly am, ah, dear God, how I wish it would rain.

__________________
when in doubt, whisper non sequiturs.

Last edited by chippedmonk; 11-06-2017 at 11:29 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to chippedmonk For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (11-06-2017)
  #2  
Old 11-09-2017, 06:31 AM
Luciaphile (Offline)
Scribbler
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 38
Thanks: 9
Thanks 9
Default

I like it. I like the memoir type story of the past with its action and poignancy. But I need help with what it means?
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Compliments of the Author: Debbie Bumstead
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Penny Fiction: A Flash Fiction Writing Competition ($25 Grand Prize Winner Per Round) HauntedWaters Writing Markets 1 01-07-2016 05:16 AM
Penny Fiction: A Flash Fiction Writing Competition HauntedWaters Writing Markets 0 10-08-2012 05:50 AM
Penny Fiction: A Flash Fiction Writing Competition HauntedWaters Writing Markets 0 06-21-2012 07:41 AM
Contest Results | Fiction | Flash (March 2007) Icarus Previous Contests 19 04-05-2007 06:16 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:33 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.