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Old 04-23-2012, 05:50 PM
ShaeShae (Offline)
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Default Hi I'm New!

Hey guys! I'm new to writer's beat. I recently wrote a weight loss book and I want to get it published. So I wanted to see if anyone with publishing experience or anyone who has been published could look at my query letter and give me any feedback before I mail it out to publishers! It would be very helpful! Thanks!

Move over Skinny Bitch! Fcuk* FAT is coming to town (and stores near you)!
*Fcuk: F-Former

Dear Running Press Agent,

Skinny Bitch started a new revolution for the face of weight loss, and Fcuk FAT intends to set the bar even higher with in-your-face, inspiring, innovative, smart dialogue about weight loss with women ages 18 to 45. With the right publishing company Fcuk FAT will be the beginning of the end of obesity in America, starting with women!

Fcuk FAT would be the youthful prodigy if Skinny Bitch, The South Beach Diet and The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth had a baby phenomenon. It hits all of the major innovative elements when it comes to weight loss, and goes beyond!

Fcuk FAT begins with my personal story and struggle with weight loss. I was a chubby, ugly kid that was punched in the ego every day at school with what was “pretty” and considered the “ideal woman.” I was far from the ideal because of my love handles and thunder thighs, which made my self-confidence a figment of my imagination. I imagined I was a bombshell waiting to burst out of my chubby exterior and strut down the street. But when your interior does not match your exterior you begin an internal battle with yourself. The extra weight I was carrying around everyday weighed heavily on my emotions and self-worth. I did lose weight, although weight maintenance felt like an everyday battle and I eventually re-gained the weight.

Then I finally discovered why I was holding onto the weight when I met celebrity personal trainer and nutritionist, Christopher Deoudes. He has worked with female celebrities from Gwen Stefani and Kate Beckinsale to Ke$ha. He let me in on a few weight loss secrets to the stars.

First and foremost- sugar and simple carbohydrates cause weight gain and weight retention because they spike your blood sugar. This causes your pancreas to secrete insulin. Insulin helps transport calories to fat stores. Simple carbohydrates, not dietary fat, are your main enemy.

Second- hypothyroidism is one of the most under-diagnosed medical conditions that causes obesity. A slow thyroid limits the amount of calories you can burn, regardless if you eat well or exercise consistently.

Third- Certain supplements can really boost weight loss results. For example branched-chain-amino acids (you can get at a health food store) can help you shed fat if taken on an empty stomach, 30 minutes before a cardio or weight training workout. They trick your body into burning fat first instead of muscle! Evening Primrose oil (gamma linoleic acid) specifically benefits women living a low-carb lifestyle who go through hormonal fluctuations when Aunt Flow visits because it can significantly improve mood. This helps balance the slight serotonin drought during PMS and menstruation. I include more supplements that improve PMS symptoms while transitioning into a low-carb lifestyle.

I did further professional research on all of these points and more when I wrote for Lance Armstrong’s website- Livestrong.com/nutrition. I’m an expert in the nutrition field with over 400 published nutrition articles. I cite academic and clinical research in this book to establish authority, yet maintain my personal, relatable and simplistic tone, which appeals to my audience. I am also a regular girl who has been on the weight loss roller coaster, providing a fresh and current perspective. I am vulnerable and relatable to women across the world, who are desperately fighting their own weight loss demons. I’m passionate about nutrition and helping women lose weight because weight loss not only made me feel confident in my own skin, it also opened doors I never would have dreamed of. This is more than a book; it will become a weight loss revolution!

Fcuk FAT is different from any other weight loss book because it focuses on the reason WHY your body holds onto fat. This is what many mainstream weight loss companies and books are missing! They attempt to tell consumers what to do but they don’t emphasize the reason WHY.

I want to educate women so they have a fundamental understanding of WHY weight loss, weight retention and weight gain occur. And what they can do to lose weight and keep it off for good! I offer my audience education, my personal experience and real solutions! Fcuk FAT concludes with seven steps my readers can follow today! I also devote a chapter to “weight loss and emotions” because emotional eating is the first barrier you have to break through in order to live a healthy, happy, excess-fat free life! Fcuk FAT is a bold title meant to say what everybody is thinking ‘F*%# FAT’ and to grab women’s attention to reel them into a skinny body and a more fulfilling life!

12 Chapters, 145 Pages (Quick and Powerful Read)
The entire book is already formatted with pictures and bright colors!
Two Bonuses included- Super Supplements BONUS and Super Recipes BONUS!

Thank you and have a wonderful day!
I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience! Any and all feedback is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!

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Old 04-24-2012, 02:58 PM
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I'm pressed for time, so I'll keep this short -- which you didn't do. The best queries run no more than one page and three or four paragraphs. Yours is much too long. Use the first graph or two to pitch the book and the third to discuss your creds.

What you've got there is part of a proposal, which is also important in presenting a non-fic work, but generally the proposal is requested after the query has done its job: whetting an agent/pub's appetite for more.

Check out Agentquery.com for examples and further info.

Good luck.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:39 PM
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Firstly, well done for finishing your book (more than I've done yet!) and good luck with getting it published.
I'm afraid I have no knowledge of what this sort of letter is comprised of but speaking from an unbiased viewpoint I would think it is too long and detailed.
But, where I think your biggest problem might lay is in the use of FCUK which is obviously already a high profile trademark and as such you may fall foul of copywrite... just saying..


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