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Old 11-04-2011, 07:18 AM
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IF?
If I could wake before I sleep
What wonders of the mind Id reap
What magic beings there would fly
In daymare dreams before my eye
And in the light of waking hours
What wondrous thoughts would burst in flower
To dare the realms of consciousness
In gardens of forgetfulness
There to live their other life
Where dutys hold has felt the knife
To frolic rant and play and rave
Before the ever yawning grave
Remember thoughts I never had
That drive one sane before ones mad
Elusive dreams Id catch and keep
If I could wake before I sleep

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Old 11-04-2011, 11:21 AM
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Wow! BRAVO and standing ovation!

One of my new favorites for sure! A small masterpiece! I love so many lines, but this one most of all: Remember thoughts I never had.

You know, what you describe is not too far from what writers feel as they/we create stories out of thin air, creating whole worlds inhabited by invented people. I think this may be why writing is so addictive. I never thought any of this before I started writing my own novel with my own characters, They are real to me and I care about them. Blew me away to find this out. And it's just as though they and I exist in some dream world, exactly as you describe.
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Old 11-04-2011, 11:55 AM
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I'd throw roses on your stage if it were in fact possible to do, but your stage is figurative. Splendid work Ethan, bravo!

Phyllis pulled my own thoughts right out of my brain, or rather she and I shared the same thoughts.

My favorite from this poem:

What wondrous thoughts would burst in flower
To dare the realms of consciousness


I just adore those two lines!
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:11 AM
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Very complex in nature---compelling in content, as so well written.Love this line--"What wondrous thoughts would burst in flower"--stunning! peace...Jul
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:43 AM
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This is indeed a great work Ethan. It just...works so well.
I think everything about this is beautiful. The mind is a very vast place, and there lies many uncatchable things within our imaginations and you have said so much with splendid words and imagery about it all! If only we could catch all the thoughts we never had.

This poem will have me coming back to read again and again!
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Old 11-06-2011, 02:49 AM
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Excellent work Ethan! One tiny thing. I think the 'ones' in 'before ones mad' is a contraction of 'one is'. If not, then ignore, but if so, then "one's" is what you need there. Fantastic idea done with careful execution! Good job!
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Old 11-06-2011, 12:00 PM
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a lot of stuff we all write might be marginal poetry. this isn't. great work.
r.
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:34 PM
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This is a very accomplished poem. I love the lines 'Where duty’s hold has felt the knife' and 'Before the ever yawning grave'.

Great work!

Cheers,

Firebird
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Old 11-07-2011, 11:28 PM
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Hi Guys,
Thanks to all who took the time to read and comment. It's a quirky little poem that I didn't really know if it would fly, as has been said it is about those elusive thoughts and ideas that always seem to be just beyond grasp. thanks again for the many kind comments.
Best regards
D
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