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Old 09-04-2017, 09:57 AM
Myers (Offline)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,224
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Really good writing all around. Setting the scene, establishing the characters. Spot on with just the right amount of details and description.

Absolutely loved the tension created by this guy dealing with a kid who could intimidate and get the better of him -- and all the mystery you've created with the wall of books etc.

I was all in until he fucked the maid -- I know you tried to mitigate it with his own disbelief -- but it didn't wash with me. Yeah -- shit happens, but it didn't seem likely or plausible to me. But maybe you can make it work somehow.

Pretty darned good so far. Why the heck are you posting this in "Fiction?"
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