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Old 09-03-2017, 01:09 PM
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brianpatrick (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
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Originally Posted by Mohican View Post
It seems stylistically that you have two worlds going on. You zip from Engish manor born to what, Arizona?

It has a good flow but IMO the styles flip too soon or too easily.


My intention was that the Kenner's were South-east coast old money. Ultra-wealthy and have been for generations. I was trying to create a cut-off secluded existence for the family and the compound. What attracted me to the idea was how weird a guy like mitchell would see such a place.

Presumably, Jessup has some problems which prevent him from going the traditional route for a Kenner—elite boarding school, and then to an Ivy League college. If you think about it carefully this doesn't make sense. I mean, the Kenner's, if their intentions were honest would have just hired private tutors for the boy and paid their way into a degree from somewhere worthy of their class. But I like the juxtaposition, and tried to drop hints, foreshadowing, that something weird was going on here.

It might not work, though. This is one that just popped out and I'm what feels like about halfway but still haven't found an ending.

I have about double what I've posted here. I post that up and see what people think.

I have dozens of these unfinished stories waiting for an ending.
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