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Old 02-03-2012, 03:57 PM
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MoltenLight (Offline)
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Originally Posted by HannahM View Post
As he watched her, the melody in his mind began to ring with minor notes.
First, from a musical perspective, there are no minor notes, but there are minor chords. It's a tough lesson, but if you want to establish your credibility as an author, you must get every fact spot on. I understand it is only a small error, but it turned me off completely when reading the piece.

Furthermore, the music/love metaphor feels timeworn. The thrill of originality is vital to a piece and yours, unfortunately, lacks it severely.

However, though it's easy to pick holes in the piece, it isn't terrible writing. You have potential, Hannah, so keep at it. I recommend Ishiguro's Nocturnes for fresh yet haunting approaches to writing music in literature.
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