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Old 06-11-2012, 09:59 AM
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Apollosouls (Offline)
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I see Calvin, terrific that you would put so much thought on that portion of your work. I love the story, absolutely hated the realism of the story. Which, I don't know if it was your goal, but brought out a variety of emotions.

Although my sacrifice would be in vain, I felt that it was my duty to protect her. The water was up to my knees, numbing my legs, and slowing me down. Noresha’s tail dragged in the tide, not helping me any.

Could you rephrase the last part of this sentence it clashes in my mind. could it be "not helping me at all" or "not helping with the tremendous strain" ?

maybe you have it the best way to get your point across, i am by far not grammarically gifted.

Last edited by Apollosouls; 06-11-2012 at 10:03 AM..
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