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Old 10-20-2017, 03:47 PM
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Lockette (Offline)
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Oh boy. That was awesome! Great job.

I felt that the pace was a bit too fast, but I like long lengthy novels, so it's a matter of taste I guess.

while the mood was evident, It wasn't really an all-encompassing vibe. Wasn't really the slightly creepy vibe you may have been going for. But I liked it.

He should feel betrayed, sickened, that his friend and comrade would do this to him. A shortcoming of this kind of format is you don't have time for these lengthy digresses into emotions.


In short, it was a good piece, but the format you wrote it in (the journalistic thing) made a good story harder to write.
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