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Old 08-24-2015, 09:53 AM
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longknife (Offline)
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Originally Posted by calligraphy View Post
Example:

The man angrily got in the car. He frantically drove his car to the old house. He ferociously walked up to the door and loudly knocked on it. The door opened violently.

Rewrite:

The man got in his car, still angry, and drove to the old house, pedal down. He walked up to the door with a quick pace, and knocked hard enough to make the wreath shake. The door swung open before he could bang on it again.


(forgive me if this is goofy, but it's just an example) Lol
Loved the new version. Very descriptive and brought me into the scene.
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