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Forum: Introductions 04-13-2017, 04:37 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,451
Posted By Elisa/win
Of course you are remembered! Welcome back Elze!...

Of course you are remembered! Welcome back Elze! I hope you are staying. Tea and catch up?
Forum: Writers' Cafe 01-24-2017, 08:47 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 1,369
Posted By Elisa/win
Hello, To answer your question, yes, it is...

Hello,

To answer your question, yes, it is viewable. However, the forum is experiencing some issues, hence the site not functioning properly at times. We have contacted the host, and are...
Forum: Poetry 01-24-2017, 08:38 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 2,201
Posted By Elisa/win
Lovely and the message is very powerful,...

Lovely and the message is very powerful, especially as you didn't try to over use language. One suggestion is to try to end or begin lines, when possible, on a word that carries weight. For example...
Forum: Poetry 01-24-2017, 08:31 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,408
Posted By Elisa/win
Nice to see you back ;) I wish the last line...

Nice to see you back ;) I wish the last line could be changed as well. It cuts the rhythm that you had going nicely off. But enjoyed the light humour.
Forum: Poetry 11-05-2016, 10:54 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,570
Posted By Elisa/win
Nice piece. I made some small comments. Red...

Nice piece. I made some small comments. Red bits relates mostly to rhythm and I suggest removing them. If you want, in fact I highly recommend you doing this, try to make the form and rhythm...
Forum: Fiction 11-05-2016, 10:19 AM
Replies: 31
Views: 3,129
Posted By Elisa/win
Hi Myers, this was a good read. Mention is good...

Hi Myers, this was a good read. Mention is good and dialogue is natural. Getting the dialogue right is often the hardest to write for beginners. I wonder if there could be more characterization...
Forum: Introductions 09-24-2016, 03:25 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 703
Posted By Elisa/win
Welcome ;) Here's a biscuit and a cup of tea to...

Welcome ;) Here's a biscuit and a cup of tea to get you started.

I hope you enjoy yourself and any questions or problems, or if yo want a piece looked at, just give a shout.
Forum: Fiction 09-04-2016, 06:28 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,011
Posted By Elisa/win
Word choice is better than before. Remember,...

Word choice is better than before. Remember, don't rush the story. It feels a bit rush right now. Take your time on important details. This will help to clarify confusion the reader might have. ...
Forum: Introductions 08-22-2016, 08:19 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 776
Posted By Elisa/win
Welcome to the beat gracevnelson ;) Nice to meet...

Welcome to the beat gracevnelson ;) Nice to meet you. We like people who want to learn. Feel free to send me a message if you ant a piece to be looked at. I'd be more than happy to help. Don't...
Forum: Fiction 08-12-2016, 04:51 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,593
Posted By Elisa/win
Set 1 is all correct. Set 2 just a change: ...

Set 1 is all correct.

Set 2 just a change:
Pushy, domineering, aggressive, forceful, assertive, dynamic.

I see why you put aggressive as second, and actually "aggressive" and 'domineering" are...
Forum: Fiction 08-08-2016, 12:47 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,593
Posted By Elisa/win
Very good, especially since I suspect you never...

Very good, especially since I suspect you never done anything like that before. Have you?

As you go down the list, you get better. I was most impressed with your work with the word "night"...
Forum: Fiction 08-06-2016, 11:20 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,593
Posted By Elisa/win
Hi there! So I did some thinking about how to...

Hi there! So I did some thinking about how to teach word choice. Your idea is good, but before we do that, I will go one step back. Making good word choice is all about understanding what the word...
Forum: Fiction 08-05-2016, 05:49 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,593
Posted By Elisa/win
Well, first I will answer the questions in your...

Well, first I will answer the questions in your last post.

For "He dragged his feet"

You can describe how he drag his feet, what it feels like as he walk. For example:

His feet refused to...
Forum: Fiction 07-31-2016, 06:51 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,593
Posted By Elisa/win
Ok, I'm going to hi light places where I think...

Ok, I'm going to hi light places where I think stronger word choice can be made. Think what other word you can use to do any or as much as the following as you can:
show character's mood
Show the...
Forum: Fiction 07-10-2016, 02:30 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,161
Posted By Elisa/win
Yes, that's right. In addition to my previous...

Yes, that's right. In addition to my previous comments, in flash fiction, you really need to work on strong nouns and verbs to get the idea across. This will not only save you words, but also make...
Forum: Fiction 07-09-2016, 09:48 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,161
Posted By Elisa/win
I think the man's role can be introduced more,...

I think the man's role can be introduced more, for example, maybe Keru reads something written on the van's side.

The emotion is much better, so definitely keep that. The introduction also show...
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2016, 04:08 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,161
Posted By Elisa/win
Ok, with this edit, I focused on the comments you...

Ok, with this edit, I focused on the comments you received and I marked places of opportunity to add in what the comments suggested. I also make more grammar corrections, but this wasn't my focus...
Forum: Fiction 07-05-2016, 09:20 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,161
Posted By Elisa/win
It's much better, in my opinion. It is much more...

It's much better, in my opinion. It is much more focussed and the tension is coming along well. There is still more you can do to get rid of to make it flow better. Do you want me to do an edit...
Forum: Fiction 07-02-2016, 04:38 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,161
Posted By Elisa/win
Keru's skin felt like burning (good, but imagery...

Keru's skin felt like burning (good, but imagery can be made stronger. You want to make it so that the reader can experience with the character. So for example "Keru's skin burned a bright red...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 05-23-2016, 06:26 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 4,843
Posted By Elisa/win
Hey Leila. Win will do ;) Ah, yes, I...

Hey Leila. Win will do ;)

Ah, yes, I remember Journey to the Centre of the Earth. If you liked that I think you might also like Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and and The Mysterious...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 05-19-2016, 06:25 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 4,843
Posted By Elisa/win
Boinx, I believe Quandy has decided to leave us...

Boinx, I believe Quandy has decided to leave us here. Nice logical reply though. Drinks for every one? Mmmm I only can find the scotch though.

By the way, very good points made Goblen ;)
...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 05-18-2016, 06:54 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 4,843
Posted By Elisa/win
I seldom join in discussions, but since I also...

I seldom join in discussions, but since I also believe it is valuable to discuss great writers, I can't resist joining in. Both Binx and Max make a fair point.





You, as in the general...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 05-18-2016, 04:19 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 4,843
Posted By Elisa/win
Binx B please don't exacerbate this further. ...

Binx B please don't exacerbate this further. You're cooler than that. Get a couple of beer man and let's drink to a discussion that actually stays on track ;)

The member did make a mistake...
Forum: Free Writing 04-06-2016, 04:22 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,281
Posted By Elisa/win
Hi there! Since the others already told you...

Hi there!

Since the others already told you the great bits, I will go a head to be more critical as a reader and a writer. I assume this is the introduction of a larger piece so I will comment...
Forum: Fiction 04-05-2016, 04:34 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,449
Posted By Elisa/win
Hi there, This is a good start. Some...

Hi there,

This is a good start. Some spelling mistakes unless they are intentional: "timbre" did you want "timber"? "though" i believe you mean "through".

Good beginning, middle and end. To...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 500

 

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