WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Search Forums


Showing results 1 to 25 of 306
Search took 0.01 seconds.
Search: Posts Made By: TrippinBTM
Forum: Poetry 04-13-2011, 05:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 622
Posted By TrippinBTM
Thanks. Originally the poem ended with the line...

Thanks. Originally the poem ended with the line "for where it is" and sat like that in my "works in progress" file for ages. Tried to finish it the other day, and I'm not very satisfied with it.
Forum: Poetry 04-11-2011, 03:11 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 609
Posted By TrippinBTM
to hell, I would assume. It's where all the fun...

to hell, I would assume. It's where all the fun is :reddevil:
Forum: Poetry 04-10-2011, 08:28 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 622
Posted By TrippinBTM
Body and Soul

The hamster was too fat
to pull from his plastic log
so I buried it with him
in the garden,

where years later I found it,
intact and empty
of all but dirt.

Sometimes, a thing grows too...
Forum: Poetry 04-10-2011, 08:15 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 609
Posted By TrippinBTM
heh, I like it. crazy ass beautiful mother...

heh, I like it. crazy ass beautiful mother f*ckers, who are also idiots. :)
Forum: Poetry 04-08-2011, 03:19 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,039
Posted By TrippinBTM
thanks everyone. :)

thanks everyone. :)
Forum: Poetry 04-05-2011, 03:23 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,039
Posted By TrippinBTM
Okay, I've put some of the suggestions into...

Okay, I've put some of the suggestions into action, and broke it into quatrains. Altered some wording too, don't know if it's better or not. That third stanza has always been the trickiest for me. I...
Forum: Poetry 04-05-2011, 03:14 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,039
Posted By TrippinBTM
Thanks Nadja, Tau and Mark. Tau, I'm not sure all...

Thanks Nadja, Tau and Mark. Tau, I'm not sure all those commas work with the flow but some of them would probably help clarify the poem some. And you could be right about the "these" in the first...
Forum: Poetry 04-03-2011, 06:18 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 574
Posted By TrippinBTM
This is great, fun to read, flows well. Only crit...

This is great, fun to read, flows well. Only crit is that some of the mid-line commas aren't necessary. The reader will pause in the right places thanks to the consisten rhythm, so I'd only use the...
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 08:37 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 2,926
Posted By TrippinBTM
it's as floaty as it's subject matter, but with...

it's as floaty as it's subject matter, but with the necessary darkness to keep it at least a bit grounded. A good depiction of a momentary escape from the hard realities of life.
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 08:34 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,039
Posted By TrippinBTM
Forest

A bottomless ocean of trees, these seem,
this forest spread ancient, dark on the hills;
the spruce and the fir rise up like a dream
of moss and shadow that from the heights spills,

a flood of...
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 08:01 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,823
Posted By TrippinBTM
To start off, I really like this on a gut level....

To start off, I really like this on a gut level. There is something about it that's beautiful and appealing to me.

Still, I'm a bit confused. The feeling I got from the first stanza was that of...
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 07:39 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 805
Posted By TrippinBTM
made me grin. "in all the right places."...

made me grin. "in all the right places." nice.
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 07:37 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 783
Posted By TrippinBTM
Man, this is genius! I like the way it comes in...

Man, this is genius! I like the way it comes in and out, the memories are mentioned, but not elaborated, just as the sunlight quickly passes over. Nailed it.
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 07:33 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,630
Posted By TrippinBTM
I loved this poem, yet I also didn't understand...

I loved this poem, yet I also didn't understand the columns of light line. It's not really tied to anything, so what's clear to you is not really to me, the reader. Otherwise, great work.
Forum: Poetry 04-02-2011, 07:27 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 673
Posted By TrippinBTM
I think you captured the way love can grab you...

I think you captured the way love can grab you and drag you away: one is just along for the ride. Well done. Particularly liked the phrase "the body's curtains," and the last line. Might use a period...
Forum: Previous Contests 08-31-2010, 09:20 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 2,732
Posted By TrippinBTM
The Old Wound The new pain unstitches the...

The Old Wound


The new pain unstitches the old wound,
and I enter the bloody darkness
which stands as a doorway to the soul.


Within the wound rot deeper wounds—
hollows in the cave...
Forum: Previous Contests 08-04-2010, 06:01 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 2,147
Posted By TrippinBTM
Laguna, I'd like to say I thought your poem was...

Laguna, I'd like to say I thought your poem was hilarious. The lines "Worms for breakfast, suits you Mole!/suits you just fine within your hole!" had and still have me laughing out loud like an...
Forum: Poetry 08-03-2010, 04:59 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 1,296
Posted By TrippinBTM
Overall, a very nice little poem.

Overall, a very nice little poem.
Forum: Poetry 08-03-2010, 04:52 PM
Replies: 32
Views: 1,264
Posted By TrippinBTM
This is fantastic, a real stunner. like something...

This is fantastic, a real stunner. like something some medival mystic or monk would write, I thought you were quoting someone.
Forum: Poetry 08-03-2010, 04:50 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 501
Posted By TrippinBTM
well, azul, if this is your rubbish, please...

well, azul, if this is your rubbish, please direct me to your good stuff so I can have my head explode in poetic joy. This is really good, I think it has a very original feel to it, and overall just...
Forum: Poetry 08-03-2010, 04:46 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 552
Posted By TrippinBTM
The last line really drives it home, and over all...

The last line really drives it home, and over all this is quite good.

I'm not a fan of capitalizing the first word in every line, but that's just me, perhaps.

"Its citizens have to bleed,"...
Forum: Poetry 08-03-2010, 04:43 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 642
Posted By TrippinBTM
Thank you for your thoughtful analysis. About the...

Thank you for your thoughtful analysis. About the dash... isn't there a difference between an en dash (-) and an em dash (--)? Of course, here it shows up as 2 hyphens, but it's supposed to be a...
Forum: Poetry 08-02-2010, 12:03 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 642
Posted By TrippinBTM
Thank you, I've tried to put a lot of thought...

Thank you, I've tried to put a lot of thought into this one. I just hope it's coming off as readable as well, and not too obscure.
Forum: Nine and Sixty Ways Poetry Tools and Lessons 07-29-2010, 05:18 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 5,087
Posted By TrippinBTM
This is really good, beautiful imagery and I...

This is really good, beautiful imagery and I liked many of the word choices. Only thing I didn't like was the punctuation, many line-end commas aren't necessary, and make me pause longer than the...
Forum: Poetry 07-29-2010, 05:07 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,469
Posted By TrippinBTM
I was expecting satire or cynicism for some...

I was expecting satire or cynicism for some reason, but was pleasantly surprised at the lightness of this. Well done.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 306

 

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:17 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.