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Search: Posts Made By: lao che
Forum: Fiction 05-10-2015, 02:46 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 968
Posted By lao che
i personally don't think the dialect and...

i personally don't think the dialect and colloquialisms are too much.

for the narration though, it might be better to either go full on, or switch it off completely. i will elaborate

some of...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-25-2014, 10:39 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 655
Posted By lao che
does a good job of recreating those feelings ...

does a good job of recreating those feelings


i also hated school, was pretty much an introverted, insecure loner. now i proudly prefer to think of myself as a lone wolf. and it's fucking...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-22-2014, 09:41 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
thanks pandora i'll take that compliment

thanks pandora i'll take that compliment
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-12-2014, 10:11 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 837
Posted By lao che
and that's a bad thing?

and that's a bad thing?
Forum: Members' Feedback 06-12-2014, 10:05 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 2,208
Posted By lao che
find all posts STARTED by ....

hi i think it would be a good idea to have the option to find all posts started by ...., rather than all posts by ...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-12-2014, 10:04 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 837
Posted By lao che
i'm serious man, write a screenplay.

i'm serious man, write a screenplay.
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-12-2014, 09:13 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 837
Posted By lao che
fascinating story. i'd watch this movie

fascinating story. i'd watch this movie
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-11-2014, 08:13 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
fair point, well said

fair point, well said
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2014, 08:06 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 473
Posted By lao che
lyndia has set you on the right path re: edits ...

lyndia has set you on the right path re: edits

as for the content - interesting read. i'm sure a lot of men can relate. porn is an addiction. It does terrible things to your brain, but it can be...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-11-2014, 07:42 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
maybe i should change it to some drunk. or some...

maybe i should change it to some drunk. or some drunk asshole. or how about some little old lady?



lao che says: "old ladies being wheeled in and hoisted up onto a machine so they can see how...
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2014, 06:34 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 366
Posted By lao che
who is this, tony stark? your grammar's...

who is this, tony stark?

your grammar's terrible and your prose seems a little stilted but, for what it's worth, i enjoyed reading this little snippet. sets the scene quite nicely

you write as...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-11-2014, 06:29 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,157
Posted By lao che
good read. puts you there quite nicely. i read...

good read. puts you there quite nicely. i read things like this and kind of see it like a movie scene in my mind's eye.
Forum: Fiction 06-10-2014, 09:05 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 393
Posted By lao che
appreciate you taking the time to read

appreciate you taking the time to read
Forum: Fiction 06-10-2014, 08:55 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 393
Posted By lao che
Animal Cruelty

Animal Cruelty

Used to be you could leave the door open and he would jump right in. Chew on some straw, maybe a seed or two. Then - you had to be smooth and fast, mind - you could swing the door...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-09-2014, 11:44 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
well, i expect them to finish reading, but fair...

well, i expect them to finish reading, but fair point. could use some extra work, i suppose. Alzheimer's is probably not the best example.
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-09-2014, 11:07 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
because i wasn't expecting it

because i wasn't expecting it
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-09-2014, 10:48 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
i'm surprised by the vehemence. the comments here...

i'm surprised by the vehemence. the comments here seem knee-jerk, narrow minded and ill thought out.

if you commented without reading then please don't do that.

if you read it and thought i...
Forum: Non-Fiction 06-09-2014, 02:34 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,507
Posted By lao che
ban healthcare

Healthcare should be banned.

Not all healthcare. Accident and emergency is ok. Some asshole sideswiped you? Cool, come on in. little Timmy got his head stuck in a saucepan? Stupid boy! Come on...
Forum: Fiction 06-09-2014, 01:56 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 508
Posted By lao che
no one responded so allow me ... it's only fair ...

no one responded so allow me ... it's only fair

you've got some pretty good descriptions but about halfway through i just started to skim coz i couldn't be bothered anymore. it gets pretty...
Forum: Fiction 06-08-2014, 09:56 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,209
Posted By lao che
you got me hooked here, man. i definitely want to...

you got me hooked here, man. i definitely want to know more. personally the narrator's dialect didn't bother me, but a whole book's worth might.
Forum: Fiction 06-08-2014, 10:16 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 593
Posted By lao che
ok so i changed the warm bed cold room thing,...

ok so i changed the warm bed cold room thing, kind of as an experiment. i had a brainwave and realized that here was an opportunity to show not tell.
Forum: Fiction 06-08-2014, 04:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 593
Posted By lao che
thanks so much for your detailed critique and...

thanks so much for your detailed critique and compliments. your kind words made me feel all warm inside

,-)

i agree mostly with what you said.
i've been staring at it for an hour trying...
Forum: Fiction 06-05-2014, 10:55 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 593
Posted By lao che
how ...

He woke with a start, certain that he’d overslept. How could he have let this happen? He’d woken before his alarm, as he always did. But this time was different. He’d woken earlier, much earlier, and...
Forum: Fiction 11-27-2013, 05:42 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 360
Posted By lao che
deserves more praise, in my opinion. part 1...

deserves more praise, in my opinion.
part 1 (the first half, at least) was a little heavy going, difficult to wade through, but still head and shoulders above most everything i've read on here.
...
Forum: Fiction 11-24-2013, 05:00 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 817
Posted By lao che
i was pointing out a part that i liked.

i was pointing out a part that i liked.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 87

 

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